My friend is frustrated that I'm not posting more often. Im sorry. But what I'm doing right now is taking longer than I thought. I am on a scavenger hunt. I have been on a scavenger hunt for over a week now! Here is what I have to find:
(the smiley faces mean I've got em! )
-- a seed pod
:) the definition of a word you don't know
:) a puzzle to complete
-- a scientific theorem
:) something red
:) something that was alive
-- a map
-- a footnote
:) somethign that was lost
:) a piece of thread
:) a ticket stub
:) something with a circle on it
:-/ a palindrome
:) a piece of toilet paper (unused)
The definition of a word that I don't know whas actually "Palindrome" seeing as I also have to find a palindrome as part of the scavenger hunt and I didn't even know what it was! But now I do ...
Palindrome : a word, verse, sentence or number that reads the same backwards or forwards.
---- courtesy of Merriam-Webster Dictionary Online.
Every Monday and Wednesday Im in a class that bores me to death. So to occupy myself I ALWAYS try to do the Suduko in the school newspaper. But they've been SOOO hard lately! But alas, after 2 weeks of wracking my brain, feeling frustrated and wearing down my erasers, I defeated the sudoko! I did it! So that was my puzzle.
Something red: a red pen I was writing with.
Something that was alive: all the dead leaves that falling to the ground since winter is so sadly approaching.
Something that was lost: my bracelet from Arizona that I lost in June and my friend found at his place a few weeks ago! I was so happy! It's so pretty and reminds me of my grandparents that live in Arizona =) My bracelet and I are finally reuinted. And I've been wearing it every day since.
A piece of thread: that was from my shirt. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
A ticket stub: This should be easy ... but it actually wasn't for me. I never go to the movies, and if I do, I definitely don't save my ticket stubs. Ironically, my track Coach just flew home to North Carolina last weekend to see his family. And Monday afternoon, upon his arrivial back, I was conveniently standing outside his office where he must have conveniently dropped his flight ticket stub ... so I snagged it. I hope he's not one of those sentimental guys who was going to save it and make a scrapbook page out of it, because I didn't even ask him for it ..... But I highly doubt that he is anyway. I think I'm safe.
The palindrome .... I put a :-/ face because the other day I was looking at the clock and it was 1:21. I think that counts. But I just feel like I could do better. Like, actually FIND something. Not just see it. 1:21 isn't an item. So, Im going to keep hunting.
Same with the map, the footnote, the secret code, and scientific theorem .... I could just look up a scientific theorem in one of my school books or online, I could just print out a map of the world, I could just use my locker combination as my secret code ... but I don't want to. Not yet at least. I think I can actually hunt around and find a map of something and be stealthy and steal it. And I think that maybe one of these days I'll come up with my own sceintific theorem and change science and the world as we know it. And I think that if I play private investigator meets undercover cop meets detective meets secret agent woman, then I think I can find a REAL secret code. Not just my locker combination. Thats silly. I will not take the easy way out. I am in it to win it! I don't know who I competing against ... but that is beside the matter, because I will win. I will find all the items.
And so the hunt continues!!
Oh and I almost forgot ... the toilet paper! GOT IT!
Friday, October 30, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
this is thinking happy thoughts to help me sleep at night
Last night I couldn't sleep, so I figured I'd see what I could do in this is Not a Book to pass the time. I ended up coloring, making up a story about my future, and making a thought garden of ideas that I want to come true.
The whole "thought garden" thing was basically a metaphor that if you plant ideas in your head, they eventually grow to be true in real life, much like if you were to plant a seed in the ground, it will eventually grow into a flower. Or a plant, or vegetable, whatever it is ... but I personally like flowers.
Are idea's and goals the same thing? Because I guess I don't have too many ideas. I have a few, such as: create a workshop for my Nutrition Association club to present to the athletes on campus. Thats an idea I though of last week and would love to follow through with. But mostly I had goals or aspirations that I want to come true. Such as: learn to surf, jump 11 feet in pole vault, teach little children nutrition to prevent obesity, go to Spain and California. Those aren't necessarialy ideas. Those are just personal goals that I wish to come true. So I guess I need to work on being more of an innovative person. Either way, I still wanted to plant my goals in the garden because I want those to grow into beautiful sunflowers and orchids and lillies too! Ideas ... goals ... same thing.
Next, I was to design my very own planet, making it flourish with whatever I desire. Turns out ... I either a) Don't have an imagination or b) Love our Planet the way it is. I say this because MY planet, that I had the power to create all on my own, however I wished, in all my wildest dreams included a sun, flowers, the ocean, lots of people all different shapes and sizes and a city. Which basically sums up the world the way it is now. But I love all those things! So I want them to stay! The only difference from this planet and the real planet was that I specified that there are ALWAYS flowers (as I made clear before, I like flowers). No matter where you are or what season you are in, flowers always bloom. And it is ALWAYS sunny and warm. No night time. And minimal clouds. Only the cool ones that are in the shape of bunny rabbits or pirate ships are allowed. And its only allowed to lightly sprinkle or drizzle to keep the flowers alive, and only as long as there is a rainbow afterwards. (Yes I realize that I sound like I'm 6 years old)I did think about the fact that since it's always sunny people might have trouble sleeping ... but its my world, so they can suck it up.
And the silly imagination continues when I then pretended to travel to the future and describe a day in my imagination. I chose 2:00pm on a Saturday in September 2011 in San Francisco, California. I decided, at least for the sake of last night, that after I graduate I will move there for my dietetic internship.
On this particular Saturday my whole family is in California visiting me for the first time since I moved there! Its 80 degrees out and sunny. We just got back from the beach where I tried to teach my younger brother how to surf, even though I hardly know myself. And my sisters attempted too. We are now walking along the boardwalk looking for a trendy place to get lunch. We are joking with my brother about the girl that tried to hit on him at the beach (<-- thats so silly to think of now because he's 12, but by then he will be 15!!) Later tonight we are going sight seeing and definetly hitting up the golden gate bridge. My mom dad and brother have to fly home in another day because my brother is starting high school. But my sisters are going to stay another week and make the most out of their California trip. Im going to bring them to work so they can see what I do. But then my oldest sister is going to look for people to network with and places to stay either here or in LA becuase she might try acting here, instead of NY, and she can be closer to me :)
After all was said and done I felt like a little girl. Dreaming about my future. Talking about flowers and raibows. Sunshine and happy families. California being perfect. Peace, love and happiness. Next thing you know I'll start thinking unicorns are real ...
The whole "thought garden" thing was basically a metaphor that if you plant ideas in your head, they eventually grow to be true in real life, much like if you were to plant a seed in the ground, it will eventually grow into a flower. Or a plant, or vegetable, whatever it is ... but I personally like flowers.
Are idea's and goals the same thing? Because I guess I don't have too many ideas. I have a few, such as: create a workshop for my Nutrition Association club to present to the athletes on campus. Thats an idea I though of last week and would love to follow through with. But mostly I had goals or aspirations that I want to come true. Such as: learn to surf, jump 11 feet in pole vault, teach little children nutrition to prevent obesity, go to Spain and California. Those aren't necessarialy ideas. Those are just personal goals that I wish to come true. So I guess I need to work on being more of an innovative person. Either way, I still wanted to plant my goals in the garden because I want those to grow into beautiful sunflowers and orchids and lillies too! Ideas ... goals ... same thing.
Next, I was to design my very own planet, making it flourish with whatever I desire. Turns out ... I either a) Don't have an imagination or b) Love our Planet the way it is. I say this because MY planet, that I had the power to create all on my own, however I wished, in all my wildest dreams included a sun, flowers, the ocean, lots of people all different shapes and sizes and a city. Which basically sums up the world the way it is now. But I love all those things! So I want them to stay! The only difference from this planet and the real planet was that I specified that there are ALWAYS flowers (as I made clear before, I like flowers). No matter where you are or what season you are in, flowers always bloom. And it is ALWAYS sunny and warm. No night time. And minimal clouds. Only the cool ones that are in the shape of bunny rabbits or pirate ships are allowed. And its only allowed to lightly sprinkle or drizzle to keep the flowers alive, and only as long as there is a rainbow afterwards. (Yes I realize that I sound like I'm 6 years old)I did think about the fact that since it's always sunny people might have trouble sleeping ... but its my world, so they can suck it up.
And the silly imagination continues when I then pretended to travel to the future and describe a day in my imagination. I chose 2:00pm on a Saturday in September 2011 in San Francisco, California. I decided, at least for the sake of last night, that after I graduate I will move there for my dietetic internship.
On this particular Saturday my whole family is in California visiting me for the first time since I moved there! Its 80 degrees out and sunny. We just got back from the beach where I tried to teach my younger brother how to surf, even though I hardly know myself. And my sisters attempted too. We are now walking along the boardwalk looking for a trendy place to get lunch. We are joking with my brother about the girl that tried to hit on him at the beach (<-- thats so silly to think of now because he's 12, but by then he will be 15!!) Later tonight we are going sight seeing and definetly hitting up the golden gate bridge. My mom dad and brother have to fly home in another day because my brother is starting high school. But my sisters are going to stay another week and make the most out of their California trip. Im going to bring them to work so they can see what I do. But then my oldest sister is going to look for people to network with and places to stay either here or in LA becuase she might try acting here, instead of NY, and she can be closer to me :)
After all was said and done I felt like a little girl. Dreaming about my future. Talking about flowers and raibows. Sunshine and happy families. California being perfect. Peace, love and happiness. Next thing you know I'll start thinking unicorns are real ...
Friday, October 23, 2009
This is self promotion at its finest
Since I was already going through the humiliation of having my name associated with the free artwork that I posted ... I decided that I might as well promote my blog website along with it. At that point, I did't have much to lose. My name was already out there, attached to that bulletin board, so my blog might as well be too. And it set my mind at ease to think that maybe if these random people ever saw or heard of me again they wouldn't think:
But perhaps they might think:
Thats what I'm hoping for :)
And then over the course of about an hour after doing it, I suddenly got proud of doing it. Of putting my blog out there. Of putting my name out there. I was proud of what I did. And I couldn't wait to blog about it and tell everyone about what I did. And it hit me ... this is legit. I am doing this. I am completing everything in This is NOT a book. Its my mission now. It's what I'm doing. I mean ... I'm doing other things too. Im still a student, Im on the Track team, Im doing research for one of my teachers, Im making friends, Im looking for internships .... but this is my little thing. My little fun thing. And if I'm going to put my time and effort into something that I really care about, then I want to share it with people. This whole experience thus far has really helped me though a few rough days, and has helped me laugh at myself, and step outside my comfort zone and yet gain confidence in myself and who I am at the same time.... and its still just the beginning! This was like a turning point .... if Im going to do this, then I mean it. Im doing it. GO BIG OR GO HOME.
So I posted my name and blog on a bulletin board.
Then I kept posting my blog on my facebook page.
And then I did page 37 ... and it said: This is a Chain letter. Post your name and location. Mail to another person.
After my "turning point realization" in my adventure through the (not a) book of being fully committed to doing it ... this next page was clutch! I started a chain letter! And I'm SO excited for it. I have visions of it going across the country. I know, Im such a dork ... But I really do. If you got a chain letter in the mail, you would do it too right? Not like one of those annoying e-mails that make you forward the e-mail to everyone in your contacts or else Bloody Mary will come to you in your sleep and kill you and your babies .....
Its not like that.
At all.
Its better.
It's not creepy and annoying and stupid.
It's personal and fun.
You get a chain letter in the mail (real mail), you get to see who and where its been, and then you get to choose ONE person to mail it to and continue the chain.
I think that if people actually follow along, this could be really cool. People don't send personal mail that often anymore. Every now and then me and my sisters do, and I've got to be honest ... its really exciting to get a letter in the mail! It's almost like Christmas! It only happens on a special occasion, you don't know whats under the wrapping/envelope and you don't know who its from! How much more exciting can things get?!!
Well of course, since I had to choose ONE person to be the first person to send the chain to ... it was obviously going to be one of my sisters. And let me tell you ... choosing between the two of them was very difficult. They are my 2 best friends. They share so much in common, and yet I love them both for different reasons. Although I know both of them support me and what Im doing, and both of them would have been pumped to receive a chain letter, and both of them would definetly continue the chain with enthusiasm ... I ulitmately chose to send it to Kristen because she just recently moved to North Carolina and I have never sent her mail there before. So I thought it would be exciting for the letter to go to a place where I've never sent mail before! Sorry Jo. (Although there is a good chance that Kristen will send it to Jodie after anyways, so it just may reach New York after all!)
Not only do I think this is a cool idea (if it actually works) but I was still going with the whole self-promotion theme...so I attached my own personal note to the chain letter basically explaining who I (the originator of the letter) am, and why I started it, and for more info to visit my blog!!! I personally felt it was a really cute letter, so I don't see any reason why people wouldn't continue the chain. Especially after I went though all that effort to explain the reasoning behind it and promote my blog! I never thought I would be doing this .... promoting myself like this ... wanting people to care about what I'm doing .... I'm at the point where I just think this whole thing is hilarious .... does anyone else??
"Thats the weirdo who's picture I took"
But perhaps they might think:
"Thats the weirdo who's picture I took but then I read her blog and
understand why she did it and its kinda good."
Thats what I'm hoping for :)
And then over the course of about an hour after doing it, I suddenly got proud of doing it. Of putting my blog out there. Of putting my name out there. I was proud of what I did. And I couldn't wait to blog about it and tell everyone about what I did. And it hit me ... this is legit. I am doing this. I am completing everything in This is NOT a book. Its my mission now. It's what I'm doing. I mean ... I'm doing other things too. Im still a student, Im on the Track team, Im doing research for one of my teachers, Im making friends, Im looking for internships .... but this is my little thing. My little fun thing. And if I'm going to put my time and effort into something that I really care about, then I want to share it with people. This whole experience thus far has really helped me though a few rough days, and has helped me laugh at myself, and step outside my comfort zone and yet gain confidence in myself and who I am at the same time.... and its still just the beginning! This was like a turning point .... if Im going to do this, then I mean it. Im doing it. GO BIG OR GO HOME.
So I posted my name and blog on a bulletin board.
Then I kept posting my blog on my facebook page.
And then I did page 37 ... and it said: This is a Chain letter. Post your name and location. Mail to another person.
After my "turning point realization" in my adventure through the (not a) book of being fully committed to doing it ... this next page was clutch! I started a chain letter! And I'm SO excited for it. I have visions of it going across the country. I know, Im such a dork ... But I really do. If you got a chain letter in the mail, you would do it too right? Not like one of those annoying e-mails that make you forward the e-mail to everyone in your contacts or else Bloody Mary will come to you in your sleep and kill you and your babies .....
Its not like that.
At all.
Its better.
It's not creepy and annoying and stupid.
It's personal and fun.
You get a chain letter in the mail (real mail), you get to see who and where its been, and then you get to choose ONE person to mail it to and continue the chain.
I think that if people actually follow along, this could be really cool. People don't send personal mail that often anymore. Every now and then me and my sisters do, and I've got to be honest ... its really exciting to get a letter in the mail! It's almost like Christmas! It only happens on a special occasion, you don't know whats under the wrapping/envelope and you don't know who its from! How much more exciting can things get?!!
Well of course, since I had to choose ONE person to be the first person to send the chain to ... it was obviously going to be one of my sisters. And let me tell you ... choosing between the two of them was very difficult. They are my 2 best friends. They share so much in common, and yet I love them both for different reasons. Although I know both of them support me and what Im doing, and both of them would have been pumped to receive a chain letter, and both of them would definetly continue the chain with enthusiasm ... I ulitmately chose to send it to Kristen because she just recently moved to North Carolina and I have never sent her mail there before. So I thought it would be exciting for the letter to go to a place where I've never sent mail before! Sorry Jo. (Although there is a good chance that Kristen will send it to Jodie after anyways, so it just may reach New York after all!)
Not only do I think this is a cool idea (if it actually works) but I was still going with the whole self-promotion theme...so I attached my own personal note to the chain letter basically explaining who I (the originator of the letter) am, and why I started it, and for more info to visit my blog!!! I personally felt it was a really cute letter, so I don't see any reason why people wouldn't continue the chain. Especially after I went though all that effort to explain the reasoning behind it and promote my blog! I never thought I would be doing this .... promoting myself like this ... wanting people to care about what I'm doing .... I'm at the point where I just think this whole thing is hilarious .... does anyone else??
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Lindsey vs. Bulletin Boards vs. Zombies
FINALLY it was a nice day out yesterday, and I did that thing that I had envisioned for so long. Behold ... the 10 tiny little 2x2 inch sharpie-colored pictures that theraputically helped me through a rough day, that I worked so hard on making pretty for the world to see! (It's probably a bit closer to about 8 random people who may see it while walking through campus...but I like to think Im doing big things here ...)
And to any zombies out there - I support you having fun. I got your back. Do your thing, Im not judging because I don't want to be judged back for posting free pieces of paper or for blogging. Just don't ever rip down my pictures ever again. And don't litter. Okay? Thanks.
I was assigned to execute an idea/drawing/or thought on each little paper, sign my name on the back and display them in a public place with a sign saying "Limited Edition Art Pieces: FREE".
As explained earlier, I thought the hard part was finding a day and place to do it. But little did I know, it would get harder. All the public bulletin boards on campus are PACKED. The first board that I tried posting on had about 6 inches thick of papers and flyers already layered on. My tacks couldn't even go through them all! The thought of posting these things in a public place with my name was embarassing enough. But then when I struggled, in broad daylight, out in public, with little 2x2 pictures that clearly aren't any "fine art", having them fly away in the wind, falling off the board, tacks piercing my little fingers ... I gave up. I tried moving on to an indoor bulletin board at the library but it didn't take me long to realize that stopping the flow of traffic from the masses of people who go in and out of there every day would result in pushing, shoving, and the muffling exchange of angry words. I just felt so frazzled that I couldn't do it.
But I perservered. I could not put this off any longer. My pictures are pretty, crafy, and meaninful. People should see them. They can't possibly do any harm (other than ca
use slight confusion). But either way, I have a right to post my free limited edition artwork on these overcrowded bulletin boards! Finally, attempt number 3 ... I found a space.
use slight confusion). But either way, I have a right to post my free limited edition artwork on these overcrowded bulletin boards! Finally, attempt number 3 ... I found a space.As you can see, there are pretty pictures and inspirational quotes on them. So once they were up, I was really really excited and proud, and I couldn't wait to go back to see if I may have had an imact on somebodys day, in some odd way or another. But when I did just a few hours later, the excitement quickly turned to sadness.
You see, other people wanted to post flyers on the bulletin board as well. But they did not come prepared with their own tacks like I did. These people would be the people who posted the "Human vs. Zombies" flyers.
Now I've never really bad talked this game before, even though I have plenty reason to. Like the fact that hundreds of 19-22 year old college "adults" are running around pretending to be zombies with nurf guns shooting sock bombs and marshmallows at the "humans" until everybody is "dead" across campus throughout the school day for almost a whole semester.... Yeaaaahhhhh.
BUT STILL ... I will not judge a whole community of people who play a game for fun and entertainment ... HOWEVER, I will now think lowly of all the humans and zombies because they are selfish, rude, and inconsiderate people/zombies who decided to take MY tacks off in order to post up THEIR flyer, and place it conviently right over mine so it was completely covered, while letting my limited edition artwork fall helplessly to the ground. All I'm trying to do is spread the love, and instead all they can think about is recruiting more people to kill and create zombies...
The very very very least they could have done was take my artwork like the sign kindly asked. As opposed to ignoring it completely and littering!
Anyway, I got them back. I took my tack back, put my pictures back up. And threw out their stupid flyer. Today I went back with one of my friends, and only about 4 of my pictures were left ... which would normally make me happy except that I'm a bit skeptical that some zombie was a jerk and just ripped them down and threw them out .... But that is totally not the point.
The point is I did it. And my friend that was with me thought it was cute, and was in full support of me. She took one that had a really great quote on it that I cut out of a magazine that said: "Imagine if everyday you just went for it knowing everyone had your back?"
Although this could be taken in many different contexts, in my particular case: it is because of friends like her and people who have my back, that I even went through all that effort over the past two days in the first place. I could have given up so many times because, lets face it .... its really just such a silly thing. Posting free "art work" drawn with sharpies ... by me. Hah. What? But I knew there would be a few people out there, like my friend, who supported me and don't think I'm crazy or stupid. And Im really glad I did it. Because it's making me happy. I'm laughing about the whole thing right now. I think it's actually really funny. And hopefully I'm entertaining some people out there reading this right, or many I made somebody smile once today when they read one of my quotes or took my picture. So thanks to all those who have my back.
And to any zombies out there - I support you having fun. I got your back. Do your thing, Im not judging because I don't want to be judged back for posting free pieces of paper or for blogging. Just don't ever rip down my pictures ever again. And don't litter. Okay? Thanks.
Sunday, October 18, 2009
this is Avril, looking on the bright side of a rainy day
Im so sorry to my 3+ followers that I haven't written anything in a week. I hope you haven't been too dissapointed in me and continue to read since I finally am writing again! My problem is that the next big thing that I am going to do ... I haven't done yet! It's all ready and I'm all prepared to do it, but I have been waiting for the perfect day to do it. I've envisioned how I want to do it and where and when. But then it rained most of this week. And my plan was shot. The rain just ruined the entire plan. And although I've tried to move on a do a few other things, they haven't been as exciting to me, or meaningful enough that I feel its worthy of blogging.
So this afternoon I finally decided, screw the rain. I will NOT let it rain on my parade. And I decided to go forth and compromise and do this thing at in indoor setting.
So I traveled to Starbucks to 1. complete the task, 2. have starbucks because its yummy 3. get homeowork done 4. get out of the house 5. possibly meet cool random people, strike up a coversation, and be everlasting friends/ meet my future husband (... all jokes aside, I always hope this will happen).
But once again .... it being a rainy day and all, Starbucks is packed. And there is no place for me to do my thang.
I feel a bit defeated. But at the same time, despite the rain, I will look on the bright side: I can still hopefully complete the other 2-5 purposes of coming to Starbucks. All is not lost.
AND funny coincidence ... along with the overwhelming desire to put myself out there, be silly, and blog about my life ... Friday night I also felt the overwhelming desire to dye my hair. Pink.
Its not AS crazy as you are probably thinking right now. Its just pink streaks in the bottom layer, so I still have blond hair. Except now I look like Avril Lavigne =) And I just now flipped to page 30 which tells me to take on a "Secret Identity" to be whoever I want....
At first I thought, "I don't want to be anybody else." Im not completely in love with my life or myself ... and sometimes I hate what Im doing, or saying, or how Im acting. But it doesn't mean that I actually want to be somebody else. Because Im assuming that everybody must feel this way at least a little bit. It's life. Its not heaven. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has problems. So even on days when Im at the lowest of lows about myself and my life, I realize that having somebody else's life woudn't make it any different. Its like that DMB song where he says "We all do it the same" ..... its true. We all live the same life and experience the same things at some point. So even when the not a book told me I could pretend to be whoever I wanted to ... I still didn't even want to.
BUT for the purposes of doing it, I decided that I've already got the hair down, so I might as well be Avril Lavigne. And I realized that we actually have a lot of things in common.
- the hot pink and blonde hair
- we're both awesome ;)
- she hates being in one place for too long and likes changing her goals and location and experiencing new things. (ME TOOOOOOO)
- she doesn't really like the dark (I hate it. I hate night time. I like bright sunny days)
- she likes to look on the bright side of situations and doesn't like to dwell too much on anything (not saying that I always do this ... but I want to and I try to)
6. She got divorced because she just wants to "live her own life" (according to People magazine). And although Im not divorced, and having a failed marriage is one of my biggest fears in life, I am at the moment all about "Living my own life."
Rock on.
So this afternoon I finally decided, screw the rain. I will NOT let it rain on my parade. And I decided to go forth and compromise and do this thing at in indoor setting.
So I traveled to Starbucks to 1. complete the task, 2. have starbucks because its yummy 3. get homeowork done 4. get out of the house 5. possibly meet cool random people, strike up a coversation, and be everlasting friends/ meet my future husband (... all jokes aside, I always hope this will happen).
But once again .... it being a rainy day and all, Starbucks is packed. And there is no place for me to do my thang.
I feel a bit defeated. But at the same time, despite the rain, I will look on the bright side: I can still hopefully complete the other 2-5 purposes of coming to Starbucks. All is not lost.
AND funny coincidence ... along with the overwhelming desire to put myself out there, be silly, and blog about my life ... Friday night I also felt the overwhelming desire to dye my hair. Pink.
Its not AS crazy as you are probably thinking right now. Its just pink streaks in the bottom layer, so I still have blond hair. Except now I look like Avril Lavigne =) And I just now flipped to page 30 which tells me to take on a "Secret Identity" to be whoever I want....
At first I thought, "I don't want to be anybody else." Im not completely in love with my life or myself ... and sometimes I hate what Im doing, or saying, or how Im acting. But it doesn't mean that I actually want to be somebody else. Because Im assuming that everybody must feel this way at least a little bit. It's life. Its not heaven. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has problems. So even on days when Im at the lowest of lows about myself and my life, I realize that having somebody else's life woudn't make it any different. Its like that DMB song where he says "We all do it the same" ..... its true. We all live the same life and experience the same things at some point. So even when the not a book told me I could pretend to be whoever I wanted to ... I still didn't even want to.
BUT for the purposes of doing it, I decided that I've already got the hair down, so I might as well be Avril Lavigne. And I realized that we actually have a lot of things in common.
- the hot pink and blonde hair
- we're both awesome ;)
- she hates being in one place for too long and likes changing her goals and location and experiencing new things. (ME TOOOOOOO)
- she doesn't really like the dark (I hate it. I hate night time. I like bright sunny days)
- she likes to look on the bright side of situations and doesn't like to dwell too much on anything (not saying that I always do this ... but I want to and I try to)
6. She got divorced because she just wants to "live her own life" (according to People magazine). And although Im not divorced, and having a failed marriage is one of my biggest fears in life, I am at the moment all about "Living my own life."
Rock on.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Friday, October 9, 2009
this is stupid, but it works i guess ...
The truth is, I am feeling really emotionally unstable. My head is constantly thinking of topics and people that I just really wish I wasn't. I just wish I could forget all that stuff. But I can't. I can't stop thinking. I don't know what to do with myself. Its to the point where I can't do anything else but sit and think. I know that I need to get up, and go lift and write a paper. But Im just stuck here, thinking, feeling sick to my stomach.
I thought about looking through This is Not a Book. But I didn't even have the motivation to do that. I feel so unsettled about my life that I didnt even want to do that.
But then I remembered, this is exactly WHY Im doing it all. I KNOW that I need motivation to do my literature review or to get my butt up and run. I KNOW that I feel so confused that I need something else to get me to get up and be productive. I KNOW that all I wanna do is cry and feel sorry for myself. I KNOW all I want to do is fix things, and feel normal again. But I also know I can't do that. Theres no solution to making me stop feeling like crap.
And the whole point of this is that, I don't have the energy and confidence to just pick my head up and move on by myself. I need a stupid book to show me that there are stupider things, and more pointless things in life. And that I'm going to be fine.
So somehow I finally opened it, and started drawing pictures; with fine point sharpies; on little 2x2 squares. Stupid pictures. Pointless pictures. For no reason. I am really just wasting my time, accomplishing absolutely NOTHING. NOTHING.
I am not getting smarter.
Im not getting stronger or faster.
Im not helping myself get better grades.
Im not getting less stressed about all the work I have to do.
Im not bettering myself as a person.
Im not helping the world.
Im not feeding kids in Africa.
Im not making anybody smile.
Im not making a difference in anybodys life.
Except for mine.
For 10 minutes, I drew stupid pictures wtih a sharpie, and I stopped thinking.
I focused so hard on it ... on staying in the lines, making sure there was no white space, making sure it was visually pleasing, and I focused on nothing else. And suddenly ... I feel better. I'm ready now. I stopped thinking. And ... I feel better. Which is the point, I guess. Its not just doing another page in the "book" ... its not the fact that I have to draw 10 picutes but I only drew 5 ...its not the fact that I procrastinated writing my paper ... Its not even the fact that I like drawing ..
Its just .... I feel better now. I drew 5 pictures, and now I feel better. And Im ready to move on with my life. I want to get up and get changed and write my literary review paper on fat kids .... Im ready now. Thats the point of it all.
I thought about looking through This is Not a Book. But I didn't even have the motivation to do that. I feel so unsettled about my life that I didnt even want to do that.
But then I remembered, this is exactly WHY Im doing it all. I KNOW that I need motivation to do my literature review or to get my butt up and run. I KNOW that I feel so confused that I need something else to get me to get up and be productive. I KNOW that all I wanna do is cry and feel sorry for myself. I KNOW all I want to do is fix things, and feel normal again. But I also know I can't do that. Theres no solution to making me stop feeling like crap.
And the whole point of this is that, I don't have the energy and confidence to just pick my head up and move on by myself. I need a stupid book to show me that there are stupider things, and more pointless things in life. And that I'm going to be fine.
So somehow I finally opened it, and started drawing pictures; with fine point sharpies; on little 2x2 squares. Stupid pictures. Pointless pictures. For no reason. I am really just wasting my time, accomplishing absolutely NOTHING. NOTHING.
I am not getting smarter.
Im not getting stronger or faster.
Im not helping myself get better grades.
Im not getting less stressed about all the work I have to do.
Im not bettering myself as a person.
Im not helping the world.
Im not feeding kids in Africa.
Im not making anybody smile.
Im not making a difference in anybodys life.
Except for mine.
For 10 minutes, I drew stupid pictures wtih a sharpie, and I stopped thinking.
I focused so hard on it ... on staying in the lines, making sure there was no white space, making sure it was visually pleasing, and I focused on nothing else. And suddenly ... I feel better. I'm ready now. I stopped thinking. And ... I feel better. Which is the point, I guess. Its not just doing another page in the "book" ... its not the fact that I have to draw 10 picutes but I only drew 5 ...its not the fact that I procrastinated writing my paper ... Its not even the fact that I like drawing ..
Its just .... I feel better now. I drew 5 pictures, and now I feel better. And Im ready to move on with my life. I want to get up and get changed and write my literary review paper on fat kids .... Im ready now. Thats the point of it all.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
la de daaa procrastination
So you know how a few posts back I listed reasons why I was doing this and one of them was that I wanted it to be a distraction ...
Well, its working.
I have to study for BioChemistry. And obviously I don't want to. I can't think of one good reason to study.
One may respond, "you should study to get a good grade" But me and my friends in Nutrition 352 could tell you that if we learned one thing at all today, it was: Studying does not help you do well on exams. Teachers like to pull tests out of their asses. Needless to say, that test didn't go as well as hoped, and thus I am severely unmotivated to study for anything else. And so I am doing this instead.
Last sunday is also a great example of how this is a great distraction. Last Sunday I knew that I had a crazy hectic week of school ahead of me. I knew that I had 4 test, a paper, and a homework assignment due all within the same 3 days. But I decided to distract myself and complete page 5 which was: a TEST OF ENDURANCE to hold This is not a book above my head for as long as possible.
I did it for 26minutes and 12 seconds.
And I'm not going to lie ... I am a little bit proud of myself. 26minutes and 12 seconds of doing nothing but hold a book over your head is both painful and boring. Requiring both strength and determination. But the truth is ... I think I could have done it longer. Like, if I had competition, I would have kept going. Hours maybe. If I was on Survivor and it was one of those endurance tests for immunity, or better a giant buffet at a 5star hotel after having been starving on a deserted island for 30 days ... I definetly would have done it longer. Forever if I had to. Im not trying to brag ... but my arms are a lot stronger than 26minutes and 12 seconds. But the reason I stopped was because,
1. I had pole vault practice the next morning and I didn't want my arms to be sore. Track is a bit more important than holding a book over my head. Coach, if you are reading this ... I have my priorities straight.
And 2. I realized I was holding a book over my head ...
That was reason enough to stop.
My housemates did find it entertaining though. Making them laugh was the least I could do while holding a book over my head.
Okay, seriously though. I do want a good grade. Gahhh I have to go study :(
Well, its working.
I have to study for BioChemistry. And obviously I don't want to. I can't think of one good reason to study.
One may respond, "you should study to get a good grade" But me and my friends in Nutrition 352 could tell you that if we learned one thing at all today, it was: Studying does not help you do well on exams. Teachers like to pull tests out of their asses. Needless to say, that test didn't go as well as hoped, and thus I am severely unmotivated to study for anything else. And so I am doing this instead.
Last sunday is also a great example of how this is a great distraction. Last Sunday I knew that I had a crazy hectic week of school ahead of me. I knew that I had 4 test, a paper, and a homework assignment due all within the same 3 days. But I decided to distract myself and complete page 5 which was: a TEST OF ENDURANCE to hold This is not a book above my head for as long as possible.
I did it for 26minutes and 12 seconds.
And I'm not going to lie ... I am a little bit proud of myself. 26minutes and 12 seconds of doing nothing but hold a book over your head is both painful and boring. Requiring both strength and determination. But the truth is ... I think I could have done it longer. Like, if I had competition, I would have kept going. Hours maybe. If I was on Survivor and it was one of those endurance tests for immunity, or better a giant buffet at a 5star hotel after having been starving on a deserted island for 30 days ... I definetly would have done it longer. Forever if I had to. Im not trying to brag ... but my arms are a lot stronger than 26minutes and 12 seconds. But the reason I stopped was because,
1. I had pole vault practice the next morning and I didn't want my arms to be sore. Track is a bit more important than holding a book over my head. Coach, if you are reading this ... I have my priorities straight.
And 2. I realized I was holding a book over my head ...
That was reason enough to stop.
My housemates did find it entertaining though. Making them laugh was the least I could do while holding a book over my head.
Okay, seriously though. I do want a good grade. Gahhh I have to go study :(
Monday, October 5, 2009
This is not Harry Potter
So bringing a surf board to the beach bash was quite a hit. The first comment I got all night was from a close friend of mine who thought I had chinese take out with me. Cardboard surf boards and chinese take out ... ehhhh, close enough? And although it would have been really odd to bring chinese take out to a party, I think she was relatively disappointed that it wasn't ... not much in this world beats chinese take out on a saturday night.
Even funnier was when I arrived at the house and was flaunting my surf board ["If you got it flaunt it, boy i know you want it" ;) ] and another friend said something along the lines of "HEY! Cool surf board!" Like it was a wicked cool idea and he wish he had thought of it.
Come on, who am i trying to fool? Its not normal. But he totally thought it was. And I'm not going to lie, it boosted my confidence.
Under the circumstances of being at a beach bash and all, dancing had to be done. And for a while my surf board came with me. We rode the waves, we did the wave, and I was waving my board in the air "like I just dont care." Then it got a bit worn out, so it chilled in the corner for the rest of the evening. In full view of course. In disguise.
Throughout the night I discussed my recent (not)blogging endeavors and (not a) book reading adventures with a few people and I got a few great responses! And of course,a few questioning and odd responses.
ie: "Why the heck are you doing this??"
and
"I don't get it. Why?"
and
"Geesh you have a LOT of time on your hands"
Which I find particularly annoying because I dont! I hardly have any extra time. BUT in the extra free time that I do have, I still DO things. Like read, and blog. As opposed to playing video games, facebook creeping, or watching tv, accomplishing nothing (With the exception of Greys Anatomy every Thursday night. Thats an exception. I can't live without it. And even at that, it is a medical show. So technically its educational....which is a bunch of bs, but I'm trying to make a point here...). So I think that reading and blogging does not mean that I have a ton of free time. It just means I like to do stuff. I don't like being bored.
But by far, my favorite discussion of the night came from 2 new friends who somehow concluded that because I was doing this, I must be the type of person who reads Harry Potter.
I wish I could explain to you the thought process of reaching that conclusion, but I don't understand it myself. Especially since I don't read Harry Potter. Somehow I found myself in a situation defending the fact that I don't read Harry Potter for the majority of the 20minute walk home. And even if I did read Harry Potter, what does that have to do with this? And is it a bad thing to read Harry Potter? Because from what I hear there are about 7 books and 6 mega-hit multimillion dollar movies about Harry Potter, so it can't possibly be a bad thing even if I did read it! I just don't read it because I tried once but it was way too fictional for me. And I can't watch the movies because they scare me. (Yeah, I know, its pathetic). But thats besides the point.
The point is, carrying around a surfboard with me does not mean that I am a crazy Harry Potter fanatic.
Even funnier was when I arrived at the house and was flaunting my surf board ["If you got it flaunt it, boy i know you want it" ;) ] and another friend said something along the lines of "HEY! Cool surf board!" Like it was a wicked cool idea and he wish he had thought of it.
Come on, who am i trying to fool? Its not normal. But he totally thought it was. And I'm not going to lie, it boosted my confidence.
Under the circumstances of being at a beach bash and all, dancing had to be done. And for a while my surf board came with me. We rode the waves, we did the wave, and I was waving my board in the air "like I just dont care." Then it got a bit worn out, so it chilled in the corner for the rest of the evening. In full view of course. In disguise.
Throughout the night I discussed my recent (not)blogging endeavors and (not a) book reading adventures with a few people and I got a few great responses! And of course,a few questioning and odd responses.
ie: "Why the heck are you doing this??"
and
"I don't get it. Why?"
and
"Geesh you have a LOT of time on your hands"
Which I find particularly annoying because I dont! I hardly have any extra time. BUT in the extra free time that I do have, I still DO things. Like read, and blog. As opposed to playing video games, facebook creeping, or watching tv, accomplishing nothing (With the exception of Greys Anatomy every Thursday night. Thats an exception. I can't live without it. And even at that, it is a medical show. So technically its educational....which is a bunch of bs, but I'm trying to make a point here...). So I think that reading and blogging does not mean that I have a ton of free time. It just means I like to do stuff. I don't like being bored.
But by far, my favorite discussion of the night came from 2 new friends who somehow concluded that because I was doing this, I must be the type of person who reads Harry Potter.
I wish I could explain to you the thought process of reaching that conclusion, but I don't understand it myself. Especially since I don't read Harry Potter. Somehow I found myself in a situation defending the fact that I don't read Harry Potter for the majority of the 20minute walk home. And even if I did read Harry Potter, what does that have to do with this? And is it a bad thing to read Harry Potter? Because from what I hear there are about 7 books and 6 mega-hit multimillion dollar movies about Harry Potter, so it can't possibly be a bad thing even if I did read it! I just don't read it because I tried once but it was way too fictional for me. And I can't watch the movies because they scare me. (Yeah, I know, its pathetic). But thats besides the point.
The point is, carrying around a surfboard with me does not mean that I am a crazy Harry Potter fanatic.
Saturday, October 3, 2009
this is a surf board!!!
First off, I did a lot of random things today.
Its Saturday, which apparently means be lazy as heck, accomplish nothing, then go to a beach themed party in October.
Anyways, random things:
on thursday I recorded how many times I walked into a room.
36 times.
I don't know what that means, besides that I am busy and walk into many rooms.
And today I was bored so I drew a nature-istic scene on page 8. A beach obviously. I always doodle beaches, sailboats, hearts, and flowers. However this doodle on page 8 was especially special (compared to my normal doodles) because it also included a whale. very exciting. Especially special. I like that phrase.
Moving on ... Page 21 has now been transformed. It is no longer page 21 of This is not a Book. Rather, it is a mini mini envelope. Its purpose: to be determined.
And page 23 i wrote something, and then erased it. =)
To sum it up .... I had a very productive and meaningful day.
And to top it off, I am on my way to a Beach Bash party ... dressed in beach attire on October 3rd. And of course, I am on day 6 of carrying this book everywhere - SUCH AN INCONVIENCE- so my baby is coming with me. But this time, its in disguise ;)
Can you guess what it is? I made it an outfit and painted it and its in disguise for a beach party.
Is that your final answer?
Its Saturday, which apparently means be lazy as heck, accomplish nothing, then go to a beach themed party in October.
Anyways, random things:
on thursday I recorded how many times I walked into a room.
36 times.
I don't know what that means, besides that I am busy and walk into many rooms.
And today I was bored so I drew a nature-istic scene on page 8. A beach obviously. I always doodle beaches, sailboats, hearts, and flowers. However this doodle on page 8 was especially special (compared to my normal doodles) because it also included a whale. very exciting. Especially special. I like that phrase.
Moving on ... Page 21 has now been transformed. It is no longer page 21 of This is not a Book. Rather, it is a mini mini envelope. Its purpose: to be determined.
And page 23 i wrote something, and then erased it. =)
To sum it up .... I had a very productive and meaningful day.
And to top it off, I am on my way to a Beach Bash party ... dressed in beach attire on October 3rd. And of course, I am on day 6 of carrying this book everywhere - SUCH AN INCONVIENCE- so my baby is coming with me. But this time, its in disguise ;)
Can you guess what it is? I made it an outfit and painted it and its in disguise for a beach party.
Is that your final answer?
Friday, October 2, 2009
This is almost as good as seeing a therapist
I flipped ahead a few pages this morning to where it said "THIS IS A CHOCIE"
That sounded like a good idea for me today. I want to have the power to choose. Choose what Im going do today. Choose how I'm going feel. Who Im going talk to. Having a choce in my life sounds like a good plan.
So my choice was to pick a number, and flip to that page, then flip 5 pages ahead. I picked 44 [ Because 4 is my favorite number, therefore 44 is twice as good ;) ] And the page I picked told me to write down and store ALL my secrets there.
At first I didn't think I had secrets. Im pretty open about my life (hence the online blog).
But all the sudden they came out. A ton. Serious things. Stupid things. Things that aren't a big deal, and things that are.
I would tell you about them- but I can't.
They're secrets.
:)
BUT after doing this I got all worked up. Because most secrets are things you don't want people to know, because they are things that you are ashamed of, or hurt by, or embarrased by. I wouldn't tell people something that I think they will judge my character by; or I wouldn't tell somebody something that I think will hurt their feelings. So that is why they are secrets. But when I was done writing all these secrets down, I wasn't really feelings like a good person. I felt really low.
So i found the next page that said "This is an annoyance" and I decorated it so that it looked as ANNOYING as possible. And it was theraputic. After feeling guilty for having secrets, I let out all the annoying things that bothered me and just made the page look rediculous and it felt good.
Annoying things like stapling the whole page. I think staples everywhere are annoying. And glue and confetti stuck to it. I drew an angry snowman because I hate winter and I drew purple and red scribbles everywhere because it just looks straight up annoying to me. And i wrote down a few of my recent pet peeves such as selfish people and people who walk across an intersection and don't follow the crosswalk. THAT IS SO ANNOYING.
So my advice for the day: If you're feeling down or guilty about yourself, your thoughts or actions, then slash back and let out all the things in life that annoy you so that you feel better about yourself. I feel better about myself now!! Because even though I have secrets, there are much more annoying things in life. Like people who purposely walk across a busy intersection when the DONT WALK sign is flashing. Im way better that. (ps if you're one of those people who do that then you best be on good behavior when you're near me. hehe)
That sounded like a good idea for me today. I want to have the power to choose. Choose what Im going do today. Choose how I'm going feel. Who Im going talk to. Having a choce in my life sounds like a good plan.
So my choice was to pick a number, and flip to that page, then flip 5 pages ahead. I picked 44 [ Because 4 is my favorite number, therefore 44 is twice as good ;) ] And the page I picked told me to write down and store ALL my secrets there.
At first I didn't think I had secrets. Im pretty open about my life (hence the online blog).
But all the sudden they came out. A ton. Serious things. Stupid things. Things that aren't a big deal, and things that are.
I would tell you about them- but I can't.
They're secrets.
:)
BUT after doing this I got all worked up. Because most secrets are things you don't want people to know, because they are things that you are ashamed of, or hurt by, or embarrased by. I wouldn't tell people something that I think they will judge my character by; or I wouldn't tell somebody something that I think will hurt their feelings. So that is why they are secrets. But when I was done writing all these secrets down, I wasn't really feelings like a good person. I felt really low.
So i found the next page that said "This is an annoyance" and I decorated it so that it looked as ANNOYING as possible. And it was theraputic. After feeling guilty for having secrets, I let out all the annoying things that bothered me and just made the page look rediculous and it felt good.
Annoying things like stapling the whole page. I think staples everywhere are annoying. And glue and confetti stuck to it. I drew an angry snowman because I hate winter and I drew purple and red scribbles everywhere because it just looks straight up annoying to me. And i wrote down a few of my recent pet peeves such as selfish people and people who walk across an intersection and don't follow the crosswalk. THAT IS SO ANNOYING.
So my advice for the day: If you're feeling down or guilty about yourself, your thoughts or actions, then slash back and let out all the things in life that annoy you so that you feel better about yourself. I feel better about myself now!! Because even though I have secrets, there are much more annoying things in life. Like people who purposely walk across a busy intersection when the DONT WALK sign is flashing. Im way better that. (ps if you're one of those people who do that then you best be on good behavior when you're near me. hehe)
Thursday, October 1, 2009
This is an experiment
So I've been walking around with this not a book in clear view for everyone to see for 4 days now. And Im actually kinda surprised; people aren't as nosey as I thought they would be. At the same time, UMass is a rather large school and I see the strangest things occur every day. For example about a week ago, one student was riding a unicycle on his way to class. About two weeks ago I was sitting on a bench on campus and a man came up, stood about 20 feet away from me, dropped his book bag and started doing some sort of meditation/movement yoga/sun praising dance that went on for over 20 minutes. In the middle of the day! By himself, in the middle of campus! And just today I saw a girl wearing all purple. Purple pants, purple nike's, and a purple shirt.
So I guess a girl carrying a "book", instead of putting it in her backpack, is really the least of other people's worries.
A few people of course did ask what it was and I entertained myself with different responses...
I told the first two people who asked the whole story. Told them that I'm going to write a blog and they thought it was a great idea!
The next time someone asked I got a bit lazy and just said "I dont know yet!" He responded with "Well let me know when you find out!" (Which i fully intend to do.)
Another friend just grabbed it off my desk in class and started reading it. She was pumped. She wanted to buy it herself!
And my favorite so far was when I answered"Its an experiment" and the kid said "Oh. For what class?" I gave him a kinda puzzled look ... I didn't know that reading and experimenting could only possibly be done for class ... Anyways I just said "a psych one". I left it at that because to be quite frank I didn't really care for talking to him :-X
4 days down, 3 to go ... And it really is an inconvience. For example, holding my book and a coffee and trying to open the door to class proved to be a challenge. And Im not going to lie, I did forget to bring it to lift yesterday morning :(But all was not lost. When I found my little baby I picked her right up and brought her with me for the rest of the day, and paid extra special attention so she didn't feel lonely.
... I think I might be getting too attached. So I think while i continue to inconvienetly carry it around, I'll move on to page two: "THIS IS A RECORDING DEVICE" and record everythingggggggg about my lovely lovely fall day =)
So I guess a girl carrying a "book", instead of putting it in her backpack, is really the least of other people's worries.
A few people of course did ask what it was and I entertained myself with different responses...
I told the first two people who asked the whole story. Told them that I'm going to write a blog and they thought it was a great idea!
The next time someone asked I got a bit lazy and just said "I dont know yet!" He responded with "Well let me know when you find out!" (Which i fully intend to do.)
Another friend just grabbed it off my desk in class and started reading it. She was pumped. She wanted to buy it herself!
And my favorite so far was when I answered"Its an experiment" and the kid said "Oh. For what class?" I gave him a kinda puzzled look ... I didn't know that reading and experimenting could only possibly be done for class ... Anyways I just said "a psych one". I left it at that because to be quite frank I didn't really care for talking to him :-X
4 days down, 3 to go ... And it really is an inconvience. For example, holding my book and a coffee and trying to open the door to class proved to be a challenge. And Im not going to lie, I did forget to bring it to lift yesterday morning :(But all was not lost. When I found my little baby I picked her right up and brought her with me for the rest of the day, and paid extra special attention so she didn't feel lonely.
... I think I might be getting too attached. So I think while i continue to inconvienetly carry it around, I'll move on to page two: "THIS IS A RECORDING DEVICE" and record everythingggggggg about my lovely lovely fall day =)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
