This is an interview

I had an interview with myself today. Odd. I'm going to share it because, from what I know, interviews are for another person to get to know somebody else. So now you can get to know me.

What is your full name?
A: Lindsey Elizabeth Pfau

What is your favorite thing to eat?
A: Ice cream. And chocolate. Preferably chocolate ice cream.

Describe that taste of your favorite food without comparing it to other foods.
A: Sweet and creamy, but not too thick because it melts in your mouth. But its still cool and its refreshing too.

What are your favorite things to do?
A: Exercise and run. Read on the beach. Take a hike or nature walk. Do flips. Go to dance parties. Bask in the sun. Sing along to the radio alone in my car. Write in my journal. Go to cute little coffee shops and cafes. Read a good book. Play in the ocean.

Who are your favorite people?
A: Mom, dad, Jodie, Kristen, Mikey. My family :)

What was your favorite thing to do when you were really little?
A: I have trouble remembering my childhood, for no particular reason. Nothing tragic happened, I just don't remember much. But I'm sure I liked a lot of things...I definitely know that my neighbor Katherine and I used to LOVE pretending to play "town" for years. Like, between the ages of 4 and 14. Our bikes and scooters were our cars; one particular tree was the bank and the green leaves were money; her mailbox was McDonald's. Sometimes we drew roads with chalk on our driveways and sometimes we put things like pretzels in our teeth to pretend they were braces because we wanted to be teenagers. So my childhood was spent pretending I was older I guess. Hmmm...

Describe your favorite outfit.
A: Well are we going off comfort or style? Personally, if you feel pretty, you are pretty. So my favorite outfit is definitely with my off white flowy hippie skirt and a green tank top. Beaded necklaces. Some sort of sash around my waist. Either sandals or my new tan boots that I just bought. I love my hippie skirt. But I'm also an athlete and wear sweats a lot and I gotta say, nothing can beat the comfort of sweats...Boyden sweatpants have got to be an honorary mention.

Welp, thats me in a nutshell! Take it or leave it! Love me or hate me! Please, no more questions, please.

These are some of my favorite sayings ... use them as you wish.

I've been having more than a few bad days in a row. ("But its Christmas time, why?") I don't know why. Sometimes people just have a bad day. Or two. Or thirty. The things I normally do to make myself feel better ... well, I just haven't felt like doing them. In the fall I often used This is NOT a Book to get me to do something and raise my mood,. And even though I haven't felt like doing that either lately, this morning I decided to suck it up and just try. In attempts to do something I would actually follow through with, I was selective; I didn't pick a difficult page because I didn't want to get discouraged and give up on it. Page 110 was an excerpt from another book. I grabbed the book I'm currently reading (which I haven't read in over a week because I haven't felt like reading...) and opened to a random page, closed my eyes, and picked a sentence.

"We sat down behind a table and I was suddenly aware I could not take off my suit jacket because, particularly after my sprint through downtown traffic, my starched white shirt was now soaked through with sweat." --- Love in the Driest Season by Neely Tucker.

That wasn't so difficult.
It means nothing to me. I haven't gotten to that point in the book yet so I have no idea what it means. But it did spark an interest in me to write down some of my other favorite quotes or excerpts or lyrics. One of my best friends, Anna, ALWAYS writes down quotes when shes feeling down. Every time without fail her room is covered with little post-its and notes of quotes that make her feel better. Well this morning, that is my therapy as well. Here are some of my favorite sayings, quotes and excerpts ...for feeling good, for faith, for motivation, for realization...For good or for bad. They're only a few compared to the thousands of good and meaningful quotes I've heard in my life thus far. And they're not connected in any way. Their only common theme is: I like them; and I thought of them this morning.

Sometimes you're flush and sometimes you're bust, and when you're up, it's never as good as it seems, and when you're down, you never think you'll be up again,but life goes on.

Life passes most people by while they're making grand plans for it.
--Blow (the movie)

May the road rise up to meet you.
May the wind always be at your back.
May the sun shine warm upon your face,
and rains fall soft upon your fields.
And until we meet again,
May God hold you in the palm of His hand
-- Irish Blessing

… I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering it things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night.

It’s wrong what they say about the past, I’ve learned, about how you can bury it. Because the past claws its way out.

When spring comes it melts the snow one flake at a time.
-- The Kite Runner

We knowers are unknown to ourselves, and for a good reason: How can we ever find what we have never looked for?

We have to do things to survive: find food, shelter, and so on. We do all this without thinking: We only need to think, in fact, when some problem arises. It's like driving: you just do it automatically, and it's only when you notice you're about to crash that you have to start paying attention.
-- Heidegger (philosopher)

Her True Greatness will not lie in her actions, which will be judged by the social realm; it will lie in the extent to which she has struggled in private. Has kept her faith within herself.
-- Kierkegaard (philosopher. This is the quote from the book "A Modern Girl's Guide to European Philosophy that I blogged about a month or so ago...)

To live would be an awfully great adventure.
-- Peter Pan of Neverland

People who need people are the luckiest people in the world.
-- Barbara Streisand song "People"

There is always a valley before a hill
-- anonymous

Any man who knows a thing knows he knows not a damn damn thing at all
And every time I feel the hurt I feel the giving getting me up off the wall.
-- K'naan song "Take a Minute"

And instead of saying all of your goodbyes - let them know
You realize that life goes fast
It's hard to make the good things last
You realize the sun doesn't go down
It's just an illusion caused by the world spinning round
-- Do you realize by the Flamming Lips

I believe in the sand beneath my toes.The beach gives a feeling,
An earthy feeling. I believe in the faith that grows.
-- Third Eye Blind Semi Charmed Life

Most of the battles of life are won by looking beyond the clouds to the sun. And having the patience to wait for the day until the sun comes out and the clouds float away.
-- Precious Moments of Inspiration

The world is smaller than you think, and the people on it are more beautiful than you think.
-- Bertram van Munster

This is what I do at home

First off, with the time I've had being at home I tried to update my blog just a bit. I've been looking at other blogs and trying to update myself with the blogging world.I've noticed that mine is definitely lacking in "coolness." Lots of blogs have cool features and applications, videos, colors, games and whatnot. So I tried to update mine ... but Im starting small. (I mean, it was just about 3 days ago that I realized that my blog has a spell check on it. All this time life could have been so much easier and I just never knew). So I figured out spell check and a couple of other new features that you should take a look at. For example, I know lots of people don't write comments because they don't have an account (which is super easy and free to make btw). But now at the end of each post, you have the option of clicking and voting for if you think the post was funny, interesting, or thought-provoking! And if you would like to share my blog with your friends (please do please do!) then on the right sidebar ---------------> you can choose to share via facebook or twitter! And finally if there is a topic you remember me talking about and want to look it up again but don't know where to find it, or something like that, then I added a "Search" feature on the right sidebar that searches through my entire blog! Check it out guys =) Pretty soon I'll be a blogger expert.

So for any other college students, or maybe just people that live away from home ... do you also find yourself sitting on your bedroom floor looking through old knickknacks, papers, pictures, and suddenly 2 or 3 hours pass by?

Well, I do.
Every time I go home. I find myself looking through the same stuff too. Its such a waste of time, but its just what I do when I go home I guess.
So I was looking through some old stuff and I came across a book full of stickers I used to collect. Stickers are so cute, but there are very few purposes for them. Every time I write a letter, which is about 3 times a year I put silly stickers on them or the envelope just because its fun. Andddddddd, really that's about the only purpose for them. What do you use stickers for when your 20? Someone tell me. Because I have a ton of cute ones and no use for them except to waste 3 hours every time I go home sitting on my floor saying "I remember when I got these stickers. I love them."

Well fortunately this time around I found a use for some of them. Page 89 and 90 was oddly a "Habitat for Microorganisms." So I had to create a home for them. All I could picture in my head was an ant farm. So with my stickers I made a little mini farm for my microorganisms. Farmhouse, barn, windmill, flower garden, and vegetable garden, train and some toys to play with, mini basketball, football, beach ball, teddy bear, and wagon. This way here, my mini microorganisms have all the appropriate mini things they need for living: a place to live for safety, food for living, flowers for mental health, and toys so they keep active and happy. Oh and a form of transportation in case they want to go visit other microorganism friends on the other side of the farm.

Yaa ... This is what I do when Im home ...

This is another reason not to get old ...

Its Christmas break and what do I do? Research.
I'm a nerd.
Page 76: This is a Research Project. Find an encyclopedia, open to a random page, close your eyes and point, write down the subject you have chosen, research it and become an expert.

So for any of you who are interested in learning a little fun fact:

Lymphosarcomatosis (Obvious it’s not an easy one. 2 inches up the page was Lymph Nodes, but no, words I can hardly pronounce are way more fun to research).
Lymphosarcomatosis --> a condition characterized by the presence of multiple lesions of lymposarcoma.
Let’s break it down:
Lymph: the interstitial fluid in between cells of human body
Sarcoma: cancer of connective tissue
Suffix “osis”: normally means a disease or chronic condition.

So I’m concluding that lymphosarcomatosis is a disease in which one has cancer in the interstitial fluid of the cells in their connective tissue. But since I must become an EXPERT, I’ll back track and try to find more info….


Lymposarcoma is a diseased (malignant) lymphoid tissue. Lymphoid tissues are located all around the body; in bone marrow, surrounding arteries, between membranes lining the large and small intestines and respiratory system. Basically these tissues hold cells in them that support a lot of different functions; mainly white blood cells that support the immune response system. There are macrophages and lymphocytes that eliminate dangerous invaders and kick start the body’s response system to protect against invaders. When I say invader I mean any sort of harmful cell or pathogen that has entered the body, like a harmful bacteria or virus.
Now my research on this subject is limited to the encyclopedia I used, dictionaries, and the internet, because I left all my medical textbooks at school. And unfortunately the internet isn't going into much depth on lymposarcoma and lymphosarcomatosis. But from what I've just said, I can conclude that lymphosarcomatosis is just one form of lymphoma. Which means that there is a a tumor in the lymphoid tissue. This tumor is malignant. Which means it’s cancerous and spreading aggressively. There are many different types of lymphoma diseases and cancers, the most popular of which is Hodgkin's disease, you may have heard of it.

The thing with lymphosarcomatosis is that there are MULTIPLE diseased areas of the lymphoid tissue, most likely because the cancer has already spread. So when we speak of lymphosarcomatosis, we're not talking about the beginning stages of the cancer...it’s already worked its magic and spread to multiple areas.
Obviously you can see how if your lymphoid tissue is diseased, it doesn’t function properly, and thus your body cannot protect itself from invading pathogens because you are not forming and using white blood cells properly, and so- your body is weak and can't fight off sicknesses. So the sickness makes you sicker.

Like I said, Hodgkin’s disease is just one type of lymphoma. There are about 16 different types, classified as aggressive or not. The non-aggressive ones actually allow a person to live a long life and not necessarily need treatment. Whereas the aggressive ones cause rapid deterioration and death. What’s odd is the aggressive forms respond better to treatment and have a chance at a cure. Whereas the non-aggressive ones do not respond to treatment and will be a chronic life-long problem.

Lymphomas make up 5.3% of all cancers in the United States.
From 1999-2005 there was a 5-year survival rate of 69.9%.
The median age for death of lymphoma is about 75.
The median age for diagnosis of lymphoma is about 65.

Anyway, its vacation, and I’m tired of learning.
If you read this whole thing, I congratulate you. Anytime you feel an urge to learn, research something stupid, talk medicine and health, then you know you can come talk to me =) Clearly I’m always down for this sort of stuff.

I hope that none of you have lymphosarcomatosis and that my research on it has enlightened you. Unfortunately it has most likely confused you, or reinforced the fact that you don't want to get old becuase cancer sucks.

If anybody has a question about lymposarcomatosis or lymphoma, refer them to me. I am now an expert.

This is a Gift

I got This is NOT a Book from a friend as a very sweet Christmas gift. It was very thoughtful. So I am most certainly going to continue the adventure now and finish the book. Yay!!

It feels funny because it's all brand new and all my previous precious work that I put into the old one is obviously missing. But I think I'll just start where I left off and create This is NOT a Book Jr. Who knows, maybe it will be better than the last. First is the worst, second is the best!
(I always say that when something is second. But of course, if something is first, I just ignore that whole saying because obviously the first is the best. But this way here I can always declare that second is the best when I want it to be [: )

Anyway, I am home for the next 2 weeks and 2 days for Christmas break! Maybe I can do some silly pages with my younger brother. He might enjoy it. And then I go back to school 2 weeks early to begin the track season. So I'm there even though classes haven't started, and all I do practice and compete for 2 weeks. So I may need a break from that. Basically, I'm not in school and I don't work, so I'm just running and doing family time for the next month ... aka: Get ready for a lot of blogging!

100 views!

Welp, the book is still gone. But I want to blog! Its just not fair ... I'll have to figure this out somehow. In the meantime, Im going to blog anyway, minus the Not a Book!

I've always liked to write. I write in a journal all the time. And I can bang out an A+ essay on any topic, any day ... any time. But when I thought about blogging, it just didn't feel right. Because why would I publically write about the private daily things that go on in my life? I've always felt like if there is something that I have to say and want to share, then I'll write to a newspaper, or in a class. And if its something I don't want to share, I'll write it for myself in my journal.

But when I got This Is NOT a Book, it was the first time that I got to do some creative writing that was completely just for fun. It didn't have a purpose, it wasn't for a grade or to necessarialy learn from it. And it didn't get me all wrapped up in my ever growing emotions ... and yes, that happens EVERY time I journal. It was just ... just out of pure interest. I like to write. I like to talk to people. I like to figure things out and make meaning out of things. I like to share what I know.

So moral of the story: I like to blog! But now I don't have This is NOT a Book to blog about. I could blog about my life: school, classes, finals, boys....boys boys boys and more boys, track, family, the weather, funny stories about my roommates, the meaning of life. But it wouldn't be the same. I wouldn't be motivated to blog about these thigns, because it wouldn't satisfy me, it wouldn't challenge me. I can already write about these things in my journal, or I can talk on the phone about them to my best friend. But without the blog, there wasn't much meaning to This is NOT a Book - because without the blog, I couldn't share my adventure to anyone.

I mean, it would be kinda silly if I called my mom and said "Hey Mom, today I put This is NOT a book in between my legs and saw how far i could run with it there before it fell out. Then had my roommmates do it to see who could go the farthest! Lisa won!"

She'd be like ...... "wtf linds. I don't give a flying hoot"
Just kidding she wouldn't say that. It's be worse. She would probably ignore me.
So you see, the blog had a focus. I like to blog because it helped me care about something that didn't matter. For many 20 year old college kids, this may seem odd because 20 year olds shouldn't have a care in the world. But I have this issue where I care about EVERYTHING in the world. And I have more empathy than one should ever have. So basically, I've really enjoyed NOT a Book and blogging because I could focus on one thing that really didn't matter! And it's kind of taught me how do just do things for fun, or because Im told to, and not because it will change the world. And it basically helped distract me from my life. which everyone needs from time to time I think. =)

So until I get it back, in some way or another... I'm going to keep blogging and perhaps I'll find a way to blog about things that I can't call and tell my mom and that I wont start crying over in my journal :)

PS. Profile Views reached 100 the other day! That excites me so much! I don't know if it tracks how many people look at the blog page, or just my profile page. And I don't know if it tracks how many times, or how many differnt computers reach either. But either way, somehow I've reached 100 views on a blog thats NOT a Blog ... I'm impressed :P

This is a mystery. What should I do?

so page #whatever: This is an Experiment. Leave This is NOT a Book in a public place overnight, see what happens.


... I'll tell you what happens. It mysteriously disappears/gets thrown out by the committed and dedicated custodians that keep our campus squeaky clean day in and day out.

This is NOT a Book is gone. My sister told me that its just like the iPod and I should persevere and get it back! So I tried. But I have confirmation, it was thrown out. I guess karma comes back around.

I can't say that this is necessarialy a bad thing though. I mean, it was an "Experiment." If the book said "don't put it in a place where nothing bad can happen to it" ... then that would be a stupid experiment, because then nothing would happen to it! You see what I mean here?

Then something even more mysterious happened. In the EXACT same location an empty red notebook was found 3 days later. And in black sharpie was written "This is NOT a book."

And its true. Its not a book. Its a spiral notebook. But its basically empty! I flipped through it looking for a name or a clue or a hint as to who put it there, why, or if there is a reason behind it. But all thats there is some statistics notes and a few doodles. I have a few guesses as to who put it there, but I don't know if there is a purpose to it. I think its just a thoughtful and fun friend who felt bad that the book was lost and so replaced it. I think its cute. And I wondered if I should have left it there so that maybe the "hunt" would continue... but I just took it. I wanted my replacement NOT a book/notebook :)

So my question is now...do I turn my replacement not-e-book (GET IT?! I just came up with that now! its like NOT-a-Book but its a notebook, so its a NOT-e-book. Im so cleaver hehe).

anyway, continuing....my question is: do I turn my replacement not-e-book into my own sort of adventure; do I get a real replacement and buy another NOT-a-book and pick up where I left off; or do I be done? Maybe if its gone, then its done? Maybe it was an experiment to see if I should continue my adventure or not. And since it failed, I shouldn't.

I don't know yet what I want to do. It's finals time, I'm going home for winter break soon, I'm thinking about other things, so I don't know whether I should continue or not. But at the same time, I dont want to be done. I like doing this. Its fun, its my thing, and I like blogging. And I really wanted to finish.

Well, I guess time will tell. I'd like some input though, really. I mean I know nobody REALLY cares. I know you guys just read when you're bored or procrastinating your homework. But I want your honest opinion. Is it worth my $12-20 (I forget how much it was) to go out and buy another one? Hmmm... I'll sleep on it.

this is DOING WORK

So I was feeling guilty that I wasn't actively doing a page every day and I felt like a slacker. So today I sat down and did work. There were a few pages that I've been waiting to do, and today I combined all of them. In addition, the other day my number 1 fan told me that he wanted to be included in my activites. So while finishing off a few pages all at once, I designed them specifically for him to do.

1. I had to leave This is Not a Book in a place over night
2. I had to leave a comment in a public place
3. I had to write a message to a friend
4. I had to leave This is Not a Book somewhere and create a treasure map for a friend to find it.

So I did all of these things at once. I hid the treasure (This is Not a Book) in a funny secret place (to be revealed later), and i wrote a message inside of it for the "hunter" when he finds it. I left a clue for him in a public place, and I created the treasure map with an X marks the spot and left it on the hunters door. Of course since my number 1 fan wanted to be "included" there was no other person I could think of to do this than him. Mulvs, I hope you are reading this right now and I really hope you do it because A) me and my roommate had quite the adventure setting it up for you this afternoon, we put a good amount of effort into it and B) I left This is Not a Book somewhere overnight and I dont want anyone to take it so I need you to get to it before anybody else does!!

:)

ALSO ***** I only have 3 more days of giving stuff away!!! I decided to open this up to everybody: if there is something you want from me, this is your one and only chance to ask for it and have a very very high probablility that I WILL give it to you! Leave me a comment of something you want within the next 3 days - or just straight up ask me "Hey Lindsey, can I have that sandwich that you just bought, Im really hungry." I'll say "Yes", because its coming down to the end and Im just gonna give it all I got.
get it? heheh

Giving things away during the Christmas season is so easy. The last two days in a row I've just donated canned goods to various collection boxes around campus. I swear I didn't pick this on purpose since I knew it'd be easy. It's just luck. And even if it is easy, its still a good thing to give.

My last post was very long. Sometimes I really enjoy writing becuase I literally just enjoy hearing what I have to say. Even though I know other people might not care to continue reading, I just have fun doing it! But I'll keep this one short and sweet ;)

Right now the semester is wrapping up, finals are coming, and there is a lot of work to do in the next two weeks.
Although I often use the not-a-book and blogging as a distraction, I honestly can't afford to be distracted much right now. Thats why I haven't been posting too frequently.

(I was told by my number 1 fan that if Im not going to post as frequently then I should give readers a heads up, so they know that I haven't forgotten about them. So that's what I'm doing now)

I haven't forgotten about you. I haven't forgotten about my book-mission-journey-challenge-blogging-adventure ... whatever it is. Im just kinda busy :( I've still been doing all the pages, I'm up to about 80 now. But I don't always write about them because I don't always feel like people care. For instance, on page 64 I dropped a string on a page and traced it multiple times in a row. On page 69 I filled out a form applying for absolutely nothing and I had to have a friend witness it and bless it for me.... these are things that I just don't think you care about. And Im sure it was pointless and brutal enough for you to read it just now. So I will spare you the hassle of reading posts about the many many other pointless things I do.

But none the less, I appreciate that you are keeping tabs on me (thats u mulvs) and I'll try to write about as many funny, ridiculous, life altering and eye-opening experiences as I can =)

this is a naive girl's thoughts on determination and confidence ...

My iPod was returned. The world may now restore order.

While I was talking to the officer who returned it to me, he said to me "I honestly didn't think we'd get this back. People steal iPods all the time. They are so hard to trace down."
And I said to him, "Yeah well I was determined."
and he replied, "yeah ... I could tell."

And I was determined. And it worked. I got it.

One time somebody told me that I always get what I want. At the time, it was supposed to be a negative comment. But for some reason, I really wasn't offended. Because I know in my heart that even if this is true, even if I do get what I want, it's because I work hard for it. And I don't see how that can be wrong of me.


I deserved to have my own iPod back. So I didn't give up. I was determined to have what is rightfully mine, and I got it. And in other situations in life, if there is something that I think I deserve, because it is rightful to me, then I will do everything in my power to get it. Why would I ever give up on something that I want?

I think that the negative perception of getting what you want comes from people who get things without working hard for them, for people who don't deserve them.

For example, if I just asked my Dad for money so I could go shopping for clothes, and I got it... that could definitely be seen as a negative way of "getting what you want." Because what I wanted was just handed to me without doing anything! (ps. he would never!)
But its different to get what you want because you work for it. If you do all the right steps in order to get what you desire, then I don't think it can be seen as a negative thing. Its called DRIVE. Determination. I want it, so I do what needs to be done in order for me to get it.

I know you might be thinking, "geesh its just an iPod ... what is this girl talking about??"
... But I'm really not talking about the iPod here.
Im talking about doing what you want with your life. Reaching your goals.
Im talking about putting in the effort for something that you want. TAKING CONTROL YOUR LIFE. The way I was so determined to get my iPod back just got me thinking about going after the things that you want, and not giving up. Standing up for yourself and your wants and your needs.


I will not sit back and let other people have control over MY life. I am the only one that can control my life. I determine what I want to do with it, how I want to feel with it, and where I want to go with it.

This is not to say that I won't take other people into consideration. I want to be a loving caring and friendly person. I need friends. I need family. I need people. I just think that there are some situations where you have to put yourself first. When it comes down to standing up for your rights, your physiological needs as a human being, your emotional needs to sustain life, you need to put yourself first. Over anybody else.

Its not right to always get what you want.
But if you have good morals behind the reasons why you want something, and you do all the right steps to get it YOURSELF, then you deserve it. And if you put forth the effort, then you should get it.

So yeah, if I want my iPod back, I will get my iPod.
If I want to feel happy, I will do what it takes to feel happy.
If I want to be a successful dietitian in the future, I will do what it takes, and I will be a successful dietitian.
Because these are things in life that I will work for. These are things that I want SO badly that I will do whatever it takes. And I will make a point of it, that I want it. And when I get it, I will gloat about it because I am proud that I used my determination to get what I want out of life. And so from the outside, people may think "she always gets what she wants." And I wont disagree... I get a lot of good things. But its through hard work, determination, drive, and perseverance. And I don't care what other people see it as, because I know what I went through to get there.

One time I read a chick lit book about philosophy, that was also partially femenistic, and it had a really great quote that really stuck in my mind. (I'll look it up tomorrow and find it exactly...) It said something along the lines of "A girl is not defined by how her actions are judged. Only she can define herself, through the hours of pain that only she herself knows she goes through."

So basically, stand up for yourself and do what you need to do in order to get what you want out of life. Don't let anybody get in your way, or change your path, or have control in your actions. And don't let the fear of being judged stop you. Because you are the only one who can define yourself. Only you know what you go through and what you deserve.

Anybody follow? Or do I sound like a hot headead selfish feminist? Oh well, I don't care if you judge me :P

Anyway, page 94 (I totally skipped ahead): THIS IS A DARE: Write a list of things you would like to try in your lifetime.
- living in a foreign country (even if just for a few weeks)
- skydiving and/or base jumping
- starting my own business
- being a teacher or a coach
- running a marathon
- do a triathlon
That's just my list for now, hopefully I'll add. Anyway, I really do want to try these things at some point. So I will. There's not much stopping me, so at this point, I have no reason not to do what I want. Therefore, I will.

This is my excuse for failure. But I have to say ... I think its legit.

Okay so the very next day after deciding that I wanted to give food to starving children ... I'm walking through a building on campus and I see a box collecting non-perishable food items and canned good donations for the Food Bank of Western Mass. Irony? I think not.
Fate? ... My life's calling? Possibly.
You can sure as heck bet, I donated 2 cans of green beans, canned corn, and a box of extra butter movie theatre popcorn. (Because I figured if they're food insecure and starving then they might need the extra calories).

The next day, was maybe not so much giving away - but more giving back. A week ago I was at practice, and an hour into it I felt lethargic and shaky and weak. And my coach was kind enough to give me one of his granola bars, which really helped boost my energy again, and I was able to have a good practice! So in the spirit of "giving away," I also decided to "give back" and I replaced his emergency granola bar stash with one of my own.

So of course at this point I'm feeling really good about life. Thanksgiving is coming ...and I just keep giving and giving ... and it feels great! My spirits are high, we're in the holiday season, people are great, the world is wonderful yada yada blah blah ... and then I failed. What goes up, must come down....

Yesterday I did not give anything away. In fact, something got taken from me. And no, that is not an excuse. I know. But it really crushed me. I was so upset over it that I got distracted and forgot about trying to give away. All I could think about was the fact that something got taken from me.

So that you can possibly better sympathize with me, and not think Im a jerk for breaking my committment, I'll try to justify myself and explain the situation. It's kind of a big deal.

Yesterday its a cold rainy day. Hardly anybody is on campus because they all went home for Thanksgiving. I decided to stay the day and work in lab for 4 hours. After that I REALLY REALLY just wanted to be home for the holiday. But I decided to be a good athlete and practice in the rain, all by myself, because I don't want to let down my team and my coach. So I go to the building where I practice EVERY day. I decide to run 3 laps inside before braving the cold rain. I put my iPod down, underneath my headband in the corner of the room. I run one lap, check to see its there, it is. Run a second lap, check to see its there ... it is. Run a third and final lap before being done .... iPod is gone.

The next 10 minutes are so blurry right now. It was pure adrenaline. I stormed into the gym where about 25 - 30 boys are playing basketball. I demand for my iPod. Nobody is fessing up. I steal their basketball and stop their game. I rip into them. Inappropriate words were said. Finally someone told me who took it ... the kid obviously ran away with it seeing as he snipped it from me right under my nose and knew I'd come looking for it. I said some more inappropriate things about nobody being a decent person to stop him as they watched him steal something they knew wasn't his. I was not about to let some immature 16 year old boy steal my $180 iPod, on MY campus, in MY practice building, when I was gone from it for no more than a minute and a half.

I mean, ya... I shouldn't have put it down. But am I not supposed to trust people ever? Am I really in the wrong to think that I can't walk away from something that belongs to me for 2 mintues, in a place where I go everyday, a place where I deserve to be and should feel safe in, and think that nobody will take my stuff. Is that too much to ask?

Either way ... I wasn't going to let this go. I demanded respect from those boys and I got it. I called the cops on him. He stole from me. I got witnesses. Name, address, number, fathers name, mothers name, fathers profession and work location ya da ya da ....

...Seriously? I can not believe that happened to me. As much as I was in the "holiday spirit," ... I hope that kid gets it. I'll get it back though, I have no doubts. Either that, or money for it. Or I'll bring him to court...whatever. I go to UMass. I don't mess around.

SO, yeah, as you can see, I was a bit worked up and distracted. So after having some kid steal my iPod, I wasn't necessarily in the giving mood.

Does anybody sympathize with me? Am I excused? Or am I a let down? At a time when it was must crucial to prove that I am still a giving person, even when I don't get anything in return, I failed. But to be honest ... I don't feel too guilty. I kind of excuse myself. Having my iPod stolen for no reason, when I did nothing wrong is kind of unfair to me. Plus, today I gave my brother my gum, I gave an old hat to charity for kids who can't afford winter clothes, and I also expressed all my thankfulness to my loving and supporting family and friends and I tried my very best to give them love and support back. Because it was Thanksgiving and all ...

I do still want to give. As long as this kid gives me my iPod or money within the next week. Then I will forgive him. Because not only do I think it's important to be a giving person, but I also think its important to be a forgiving person. I'll give him the benefit of the doubt. Hes young and stupid. As long as he learns that stealing is wrong and mean, then I'll move on. I'll move on, and I still fully intend to complete 30 days of giving.

Maybe thats what I gave away yesterday - I gave away a life lesson.
Ehhh ... thats really stretching it.

This is turning into a charity commitment

The last four days I just keep giving food away. It's definitely the easiest thing to give away because lets face it ... everybody needs food. You just can't live without it. But when I stop to think about it, I keep giving food to my roommates and friends, and although I'm happy to do that for them, wouldn't it be great if I could give food to starving children? Or I guess it doesn't have to be that specific, but anybody who actually NEEDS stuff. I should start to give things away to people who NEED things. Not just give stuff away. Theres a difference. Thats my aim for the next 16 days. Give something away every day to somebody who needs it.

Geesh I really know how to challenge myself. Why am I doing this again?
I honestly don't know. But why not? I have no reasons not to either.

Just for shits and giggles:
Page 41: THIS IS AN ACTION SCULPTURE
Come up with an interesting way to make This is NOT a Book move.
The result -->

this is just ... last minute and...just ... butterflies.

10:10 on a Sunday evening. I'm about to go in my room, shut the door, do homework and call it a night. Then I realized, I didn't give anything away today! Nothing. I kept everything to myself. In fact, people gave me things! I got a free coffee and bagel from Dunkin Donuts from my friend this morning. My roommate gave me some of her popcorn. I also took a piece of someones gum this morning. I took all these things from people, and I didn't give one thing in return. (Not to mention all those things were food items. Clearly Im a poor starving college student who cant afford to feed herself properly and takes everybody else's food. I should probably stop doing that.)

Yesterday I gave two things. I gave my headphones to my roommate for the day, and I gave soda to my other roommate. Same with another day this week, I remember giving two things away. But I don't think that makes up for giving nothing today. I mean, some days its easy. Some days people just straight up ask me for things and all that I have to do is say "Yes, here you go. You can have this of mine" or "Yes, I will give that to you." Or something along those lines. Its just so easy I just give something away simply because somebody asked me to.

And then a day like today comes, and nobody asked me for anything and therefore I didn't give anything away! Im astounded. Im actually pretty dissappointed in myself. Not once did an opportunity come up where I could give something away ... ? I must not be trying hard enough. I really need to step up my game. It's only been 8 days and Im already slacking! I have 3 more weeks to go!

Well, I wasn't going to let this go. I have to give something away today. So one of my best friends was over helping another one of my best friends with her homework. So I wrote her a thank you card for being my best friend. But it was just too hilarious to me that I couldn't think of anything better to give away right now besides a dinky little thank you card, so I made it more hilarious by googling friendship quotes to put in the card ...

Your friendship is special
Like the flowers that bloom,
Or when a butterfly emerges
From within its cocoon...

You remind me of that butterfly,
Loving and free,
Bright and colorful,
For the world to see...

We will share sunshine and rainbows;
Sometimes, the rain and the snow;
We'll stand together through it,
While the cold winds blow...

When the time is right,
We won't stop to ask "Why?"
Our friendship will take flight
On the wings of a butterfly ...

If I came up with this myself, I'd be impressed. But I didn't. I googled it. So its just pathetic and hilarious. We got a good kick out of my poor attempt to "give something away" that was clearly last minute. So maybe in this case, I can classify tonight as giving away laughter. Or my dignity. Either one ... it's done. On the wings of a butterfly .... oh my.

This is an update =)

So I've actually written a lot of posts here,and I'm a decent quarter way through (Not a) book. But between the scavenger hunt and month long committment, things are slowing down. So I thought I'd give an update.

I am reading a book called "This is NOT a book." And its true, it really isn't a book. Every page is a different experience. It gives me something to do, an activity, an adventure. Why am I doing this? I am a young college student going through a lot of changes in my life. I need something fun to do to help get me through. To help me laugh. To help me explore. To help me live. I have nothing stopping me. I have minimal responsibilities. And I have a lot of spunk. So Im taking on this challenge to complete every page in This is Not a Book for me to find out who I am and what life is about, and for you to enjoy my stories by reading my blog. (Which if you've noticed I've ironically named NOT a Blog, since Im reading NOT a Book).

So WHAT exactly have I been doing?? Well ... some things are pretty meaningful and somethings are quite pointless. For example, did I tell you that I had to color an "obscure shape" using "the strangest method I can think of" ?? Well, I did it. I stuck two markers up my nose and tried to color. I have this amazing talent where I can expand my nostrils, and yes, I fit markers up my nose, and I colored. Unfortunately, after a few scribbles it hurt ... so I continued to color with the second strangest method I could think of, which waswith my toes.

Did I also tell you that I cut and pasted a face on the cover of the (not a) book. I put an two eyes, one with a patch, and a giant smile. So now it looks like a pirate! My pirate friend.

These are just two of the many silly things I've been doing...
But somethings are much more important. Or not necessarialy important, but meaningful. Or not necessarialy meaningful ... but activities that after all is said and done I realize, "wow, that really made an impact on my day."

For example, I am currently engaged in a month long committment. Every day, from Saturday on, I have to give something away for one whole month. Its proven easy some days, and difficult on others. It is going to be a long month, but one thing is for sure, it is rewarding to give things away! It feels really good!
So far I've given away two packets of gum to all the members of my house, homemade healthy granola bars to my guy friends, a book about ideas that I thought my friend would be really interested in, my towel and sandals to two different teammates during our pool practice workout, I bought my friend an icecream cone, and I gave a piece of gum to my friend in class today.

Giving things away is liberating. You should try it. Maybe not necessarialy for a whole month, but maybe just sometimes.

I also started a chain letter, in hopes that people connect with friends and read my blog! So far it went to Durham NC and is now at Tufts in Boston ... and we'll see where it heads next!

And an update on the scavenget hunt: I still need to discover a scientific theorem. And trust me, Im working on it. I was in lab for 3 hours wednesday and I will be there for 3 hours tomorrow ... No need to fear, I will save the world.

So, basically I am reading a book in which I do what I'm told. And somehow that is supposed to make me feel like an independent self-sufficient confident young woman. Yepppp .... :)

This is lent for lindsey

My friends have been really great lately. Theres a chance that they all collectively decided to step up their game and be awesome human beings all at once. Or theres a possibly greater chance that I never stopped and took a step back to be grateful for them and all they do for me.
I've been pretty sick this week (swine??) and everybody just seems so caring. My roommate made a giant cauldron of soup, my friend from home brought me food and stopped by just to say Hi and see how I was feeling ...people just care. Its really nice. And sickness aside, my friends are very supportive. Tino made me a secret code this week! And then Sean gave me his map! (The Umass transit bus routes). He even read my blog while we were in class! Giving up his education for me ... thats true friendship. I just feel loved. And that makes me feel happy.

So I'm ready to give back.
Page 62 says: This is a COMMITMENT. Do one thing on this list every day for ONE month:
-wear an article of clothing inside out
-read a book you don't think you will like
-sing on your way to work/school
-give something away
-take a photo
-draw something
-write a letter

I've debated over which one I've wanted to do for quite some time now. Between the blog and my journal, and being in school and writing papers, writing a letter everyday is the last thing I want to do. And reading a book I don't think I'll like could turn out to be such a hassle. What if it turns out I'm right, and I don't like it! Then Im stuck doing something that I hate for a whole month! Thats miserable. And sing on my way to school. That would be miserable for everybody around me. I'll spare you all. Draw something ... I do that a lot anyway, I doodle, I sketch, it just wasn't challenging enough for me.... I need a challenge.

So give something away. This could be my little conscious effort to give back to my friends who have been so great to me. I want to show them that I care too. That they mean a lot to me and that I am so thankful to know them and have them in my life. So I guess every day from now on I have to give something away. Now what will I give away?? I have NO idea ... I don't think people necessarialy want my stuff. Anddddd although I don't NEED everything in my life, its not like I want to start giving away my clothes. Sooooo, Im going to have be be creative. I might have to spend some money. Or I might have to be really cheap. Im assuming some days I'll give stuff away that really doesn't mean anything, but that fact that I am consciously giving something away is the point. And I'm hoping that other days I can actually put effort into it and give something away that matters, so that I can show my friends that I love them. And maybe somedays I can give something away to a total stranger so that I can make a new friend!!

Well ... I'm sure I'll figure it out as the days go on. Like I said, today is Day 1. So I was at the store buying packets of gum for myself. And by the time I got home I realized that I would have to give it away. My roommates Erinn and Elaina have frequently offered their gum up for the entire house, so now its my turn. Gum for everyone in my house! With 6 of us I don't think that 6 packs of gum will last too long ... but luckly I am doing this for a whole month! So I can do it again when we run out!

this is cracking the code

A play-by-play of the last half hour of my life:


Its 10:30pm on a Wednesday night. I'm feeling sick so I am going to bed early. I check my e-mail one last time before sleep.
I have a message.
I don't know who it is from. They're name is "avrilflowerfan".
I open the e-mail. It is short and sweet.
It reads "Make sure you check your mailbox. There may be something of interest to you in it."
I skeptically walk outside to my mailbox.
Its dark, our house light doesnt' go on.
I check over my shoulder once or twice, nervous that someone was playing some sort of prank on me.
I reach in the mailbox.
There is a little piece of paper that says "LINDSEY" on it.
I rush inside.
I open the paper.
It doesn't make any sense. There are squares and dots and lines.
It doesn't say anything I can read.
It's like some sort of secret code....

I run and show my roommates.
"Its a secret code!!!" I jump up and down.
A secret code for my scavenger hunt!
Together we rush to my desk and whip out a pencil.
We don't know what the dots and squares and lines mean.
The first line has 2 symbols, a space, and then 7 symbols. We take a gamble and guess that it says "Hi Lindsey"
5-10 minutes later, we cracked the code =)

It said:
"Hi Lindsey,
I Hope this helps you on your scavenger hunt. I just want you to know that I think what you are doing is awesome! I'm proud of you. Remember that your friends will always be there for you! Good luck Lindsey, -- Tino "

My friend Tino gave me a secret code. What a guy =) I am so grateful that I have fun and supportive friends who make secret codes for me to crack, and blog about, and complete my scavenger hunt. And to have friends that get just as excited as me, and jump up and down with me, and help me crack the code in record breaking time. Friends are really good to have around. They make me smile and laugh, they support me and they help me. I never thought a silly little gesture like this could make me so happy, but it really is! I am so happy right now.

Secret code - found and solved! I can check that one off the list now too.
Along with the pea pod that I ate in my mom's stir fry last night and (on a more inappropriate note)the dog poop (poop=palindrome) that I saw on the sidewalk two days ago.

Thanks Tino!!

this is my secret agent mission

My friend is frustrated that I'm not posting more often. Im sorry. But what I'm doing right now is taking longer than I thought. I am on a scavenger hunt. I have been on a scavenger hunt for over a week now! Here is what I have to find:
(the smiley faces mean I've got em! )

-- a seed pod
:) the definition of a word you don't know
:) a puzzle to complete
-- a scientific theorem
:) something red
:) something that was alive
-- a map
-- a footnote
:) somethign that was lost
:) a piece of thread
:) a ticket stub
:) something with a circle on it
:-/ a palindrome
:) a piece of toilet paper (unused)

The definition of a word that I don't know whas actually "Palindrome" seeing as I also have to find a palindrome as part of the scavenger hunt and I didn't even know what it was! But now I do ...

Palindrome : a word, verse, sentence or number that reads the same backwards or forwards.
---- courtesy of Merriam-Webster Dictionary Online.

Every Monday and Wednesday Im in a class that bores me to death. So to occupy myself I ALWAYS try to do the Suduko in the school newspaper. But they've been SOOO hard lately! But alas, after 2 weeks of wracking my brain, feeling frustrated and wearing down my erasers, I defeated the sudoko! I did it! So that was my puzzle.
Something red: a red pen I was writing with.
Something that was alive: all the dead leaves that falling to the ground since winter is so sadly approaching.
Something that was lost: my bracelet from Arizona that I lost in June and my friend found at his place a few weeks ago! I was so happy! It's so pretty and reminds me of my grandparents that live in Arizona =) My bracelet and I are finally reuinted. And I've been wearing it every day since.
A piece of thread: that was from my shirt. Easy peasy lemon squeezy.
A ticket stub: This should be easy ... but it actually wasn't for me. I never go to the movies, and if I do, I definitely don't save my ticket stubs. Ironically, my track Coach just flew home to North Carolina last weekend to see his family. And Monday afternoon, upon his arrivial back, I was conveniently standing outside his office where he must have conveniently dropped his flight ticket stub ... so I snagged it. I hope he's not one of those sentimental guys who was going to save it and make a scrapbook page out of it, because I didn't even ask him for it ..... But I highly doubt that he is anyway. I think I'm safe.
The palindrome .... I put a :-/ face because the other day I was looking at the clock and it was 1:21. I think that counts. But I just feel like I could do better. Like, actually FIND something. Not just see it. 1:21 isn't an item. So, Im going to keep hunting.

Same with the map, the footnote, the secret code, and scientific theorem .... I could just look up a scientific theorem in one of my school books or online, I could just print out a map of the world, I could just use my locker combination as my secret code ... but I don't want to. Not yet at least. I think I can actually hunt around and find a map of something and be stealthy and steal it. And I think that maybe one of these days I'll come up with my own sceintific theorem and change science and the world as we know it. And I think that if I play private investigator meets undercover cop meets detective meets secret agent woman, then I think I can find a REAL secret code. Not just my locker combination. Thats silly. I will not take the easy way out. I am in it to win it! I don't know who I competing against ... but that is beside the matter, because I will win. I will find all the items.

And so the hunt continues!!

Oh and I almost forgot ... the toilet paper! GOT IT!

this is thinking happy thoughts to help me sleep at night

Last night I couldn't sleep, so I figured I'd see what I could do in this is Not a Book to pass the time. I ended up coloring, making up a story about my future, and making a thought garden of ideas that I want to come true.

The whole "thought garden" thing was basically a metaphor that if you plant ideas in your head, they eventually grow to be true in real life, much like if you were to plant a seed in the ground, it will eventually grow into a flower. Or a plant, or vegetable, whatever it is ... but I personally like flowers.

Are idea's and goals the same thing? Because I guess I don't have too many ideas. I have a few, such as: create a workshop for my Nutrition Association club to present to the athletes on campus. Thats an idea I though of last week and would love to follow through with. But mostly I had goals or aspirations that I want to come true. Such as: learn to surf, jump 11 feet in pole vault, teach little children nutrition to prevent obesity, go to Spain and California. Those aren't necessarialy ideas. Those are just personal goals that I wish to come true. So I guess I need to work on being more of an innovative person. Either way, I still wanted to plant my goals in the garden because I want those to grow into beautiful sunflowers and orchids and lillies too! Ideas ... goals ... same thing.

Next, I was to design my very own planet, making it flourish with whatever I desire. Turns out ... I either a) Don't have an imagination or b) Love our Planet the way it is. I say this because MY planet, that I had the power to create all on my own, however I wished, in all my wildest dreams included a sun, flowers, the ocean, lots of people all different shapes and sizes and a city. Which basically sums up the world the way it is now. But I love all those things! So I want them to stay! The only difference from this planet and the real planet was that I specified that there are ALWAYS flowers (as I made clear before, I like flowers). No matter where you are or what season you are in, flowers always bloom. And it is ALWAYS sunny and warm. No night time. And minimal clouds. Only the cool ones that are in the shape of bunny rabbits or pirate ships are allowed. And its only allowed to lightly sprinkle or drizzle to keep the flowers alive, and only as long as there is a rainbow afterwards. (Yes I realize that I sound like I'm 6 years old)I did think about the fact that since it's always sunny people might have trouble sleeping ... but its my world, so they can suck it up.

And the silly imagination continues when I then pretended to travel to the future and describe a day in my imagination. I chose 2:00pm on a Saturday in September 2011 in San Francisco, California. I decided, at least for the sake of last night, that after I graduate I will move there for my dietetic internship.

On this particular Saturday my whole family is in California visiting me for the first time since I moved there! Its 80 degrees out and sunny. We just got back from the beach where I tried to teach my younger brother how to surf, even though I hardly know myself. And my sisters attempted too. We are now walking along the boardwalk looking for a trendy place to get lunch. We are joking with my brother about the girl that tried to hit on him at the beach (<-- thats so silly to think of now because he's 12, but by then he will be 15!!) Later tonight we are going sight seeing and definetly hitting up the golden gate bridge. My mom dad and brother have to fly home in another day because my brother is starting high school. But my sisters are going to stay another week and make the most out of their California trip. Im going to bring them to work so they can see what I do. But then my oldest sister is going to look for people to network with and places to stay either here or in LA becuase she might try acting here, instead of NY, and she can be closer to me :)

After all was said and done I felt like a little girl. Dreaming about my future. Talking about flowers and raibows. Sunshine and happy families. California being perfect. Peace, love and happiness. Next thing you know I'll start thinking unicorns are real ...

This is self promotion at its finest

Since I was already going through the humiliation of having my name associated with the free artwork that I posted ... I decided that I might as well promote my blog website along with it. At that point, I did't have much to lose. My name was already out there, attached to that bulletin board, so my blog might as well be too. And it set my mind at ease to think that maybe if these random people ever saw or heard of me again they wouldn't think:

"Thats the weirdo who's picture I took"

But perhaps they might think:

"Thats the weirdo who's picture I took but then I read her blog and
understand why she did it and its kinda good."

Thats what I'm hoping for :)

And then over the course of about an hour after doing it, I suddenly got proud of doing it. Of putting my blog out there. Of putting my name out there. I was proud of what I did. And I couldn't wait to blog about it and tell everyone about what I did. And it hit me ... this is legit. I am doing this. I am completing everything in This is NOT a book. Its my mission now. It's what I'm doing. I mean ... I'm doing other things too. Im still a student, Im on the Track team, Im doing research for one of my teachers, Im making friends, Im looking for internships .... but this is my little thing. My little fun thing. And if I'm going to put my time and effort into something that I really care about, then I want to share it with people. This whole experience thus far has really helped me though a few rough days, and has helped me laugh at myself, and step outside my comfort zone and yet gain confidence in myself and who I am at the same time.... and its still just the beginning! This was like a turning point .... if Im going to do this, then I mean it. Im doing it. GO BIG OR GO HOME.

So I posted my name and blog on a bulletin board.
Then I kept posting my blog on my facebook page.
And then I did page 37 ... and it said: This is a Chain letter. Post your name and location. Mail to another person.

After my "turning point realization" in my adventure through the (not a) book of being fully committed to doing it ... this next page was clutch! I started a chain letter! And I'm SO excited for it. I have visions of it going across the country. I know, Im such a dork ... But I really do. If you got a chain letter in the mail, you would do it too right? Not like one of those annoying e-mails that make you forward the e-mail to everyone in your contacts or else Bloody Mary will come to you in your sleep and kill you and your babies .....
Its not like that.
At all.
Its better.
It's not creepy and annoying and stupid.
It's personal and fun.
You get a chain letter in the mail (real mail), you get to see who and where its been, and then you get to choose ONE person to mail it to and continue the chain.

I think that if people actually follow along, this could be really cool. People don't send personal mail that often anymore. Every now and then me and my sisters do, and I've got to be honest ... its really exciting to get a letter in the mail! It's almost like Christmas! It only happens on a special occasion, you don't know whats under the wrapping/envelope and you don't know who its from! How much more exciting can things get?!!

Well of course, since I had to choose ONE person to be the first person to send the chain to ... it was obviously going to be one of my sisters. And let me tell you ... choosing between the two of them was very difficult. They are my 2 best friends. They share so much in common, and yet I love them both for different reasons. Although I know both of them support me and what Im doing, and both of them would have been pumped to receive a chain letter, and both of them would definetly continue the chain with enthusiasm ... I ulitmately chose to send it to Kristen because she just recently moved to North Carolina and I have never sent her mail there before. So I thought it would be exciting for the letter to go to a place where I've never sent mail before! Sorry Jo. (Although there is a good chance that Kristen will send it to Jodie after anyways, so it just may reach New York after all!)

Not only do I think this is a cool idea (if it actually works) but I was still going with the whole self-promotion theme...so I attached my own personal note to the chain letter basically explaining who I (the originator of the letter) am, and why I started it, and for more info to visit my blog!!! I personally felt it was a really cute letter, so I don't see any reason why people wouldn't continue the chain. Especially after I went though all that effort to explain the reasoning behind it and promote my blog! I never thought I would be doing this .... promoting myself like this ... wanting people to care about what I'm doing .... I'm at the point where I just think this whole thing is hilarious .... does anyone else??

Lindsey vs. Bulletin Boards vs. Zombies

FINALLY it was a nice day out yesterday, and I did that thing that I had envisioned for so long. Behold ... the 10 tiny little 2x2 inch sharpie-colored pictures that theraputically helped me through a rough day, that I worked so hard on making pretty for the world to see! (It's probably a bit closer to about 8 random people who may see it while walking through campus...but I like to think Im doing big things here ...)

I was assigned to execute an idea/drawing/or thought on each little paper, sign my name on the back and display them in a public place with a sign saying "Limited Edition Art Pieces: FREE".

As explained earlier, I thought the hard part was finding a day and place to do it. But little did I know, it would get harder. All the public bulletin boards on campus are PACKED. The first board that I tried posting on had about 6 inches thick of papers and flyers already layered on. My tacks couldn't even go through them all! The thought of posting these things in a public place with my name was embarassing enough. But then when I struggled, in broad daylight, out in public, with little 2x2 pictures that clearly aren't any "fine art", having them fly away in the wind, falling off the board, tacks piercing my little fingers ... I gave up. I tried moving on to an indoor bulletin board at the library but it didn't take me long to realize that stopping the flow of traffic from the masses of people who go in and out of there every day would result in pushing, shoving, and the muffling exchange of angry words. I just felt so frazzled that I couldn't do it.

But I perservered. I could not put this off any longer. My pictures are pretty, crafy, and meaninful. People should see them. They can't possibly do any harm (other than cause slight confusion). But either way, I have a right to post my free limited edition artwork on these overcrowded bulletin boards! Finally, attempt number 3 ... I found a space.

As you can see, there are pretty pictures and inspirational quotes on them. So once they were up, I was really really excited and proud, and I couldn't wait to go back to see if I may have had an imact on somebodys day, in some odd way or another. But when I did just a few hours later, the excitement quickly turned to sadness.

You see, other people wanted to post flyers on the bulletin board as well. But they did not come prepared with their own tacks like I did. These people would be the people who posted the "Human vs. Zombies" flyers.

Now I've never really bad talked this game before, even though I have plenty reason to. Like the fact that hundreds of 19-22 year old college "adults" are running around pretending to be zombies with nurf guns shooting sock bombs and marshmallows at the "humans" until everybody is "dead" across campus throughout the school day for almost a whole semester.... Yeaaaahhhhh.

BUT STILL ... I will not judge a whole community of people who play a game for fun and entertainment ... HOWEVER, I will now think lowly of all the humans and zombies because they are selfish, rude, and inconsiderate people/zombies who decided to take MY tacks off in order to post up THEIR flyer, and place it conviently right over mine so it was completely covered, while letting my limited edition artwork fall helplessly to the ground. All I'm trying to do is spread the love, and instead all they can think about is recruiting more people to kill and create zombies...

The very very very least they could have done was take my artwork like the sign kindly asked. As opposed to ignoring it completely and littering!

Anyway, I got them back. I took my tack back, put my pictures back up. And threw out their stupid flyer. Today I went back with one of my friends, and only about 4 of my pictures were left ... which would normally make me happy except that I'm a bit skeptical that some zombie was a jerk and just ripped them down and threw them out .... But that is totally not the point.

The point is I did it. And my friend that was with me thought it was cute, and was in full support of me. She took one that had a really great quote on it that I cut out of a magazine that said: "Imagine if everyday you just went for it knowing everyone had your back?"

Although this could be taken in many different contexts, in my particular case: it is because of friends like her and people who have my back, that I even went through all that effort over the past two days in the first place. I could have given up so many times because, lets face it .... its really just such a silly thing. Posting free "art work" drawn with sharpies ... by me. Hah. What? But I knew there would be a few people out there, like my friend, who supported me and don't think I'm crazy or stupid. And Im really glad I did it. Because it's making me happy. I'm laughing about the whole thing right now. I think it's actually really funny. And hopefully I'm entertaining some people out there reading this right, or many I made somebody smile once today when they read one of my quotes or took my picture. So thanks to all those who have my back.

And to any zombies out there - I support you having fun. I got your back. Do your thing, Im not judging because I don't want to be judged back for posting free pieces of paper or for blogging. Just don't ever rip down my pictures ever again. And don't litter. Okay? Thanks.

this is Avril, looking on the bright side of a rainy day

Im so sorry to my 3+ followers that I haven't written anything in a week. I hope you haven't been too dissapointed in me and continue to read since I finally am writing again! My problem is that the next big thing that I am going to do ... I haven't done yet! It's all ready and I'm all prepared to do it, but I have been waiting for the perfect day to do it. I've envisioned how I want to do it and where and when. But then it rained most of this week. And my plan was shot. The rain just ruined the entire plan. And although I've tried to move on a do a few other things, they haven't been as exciting to me, or meaningful enough that I feel its worthy of blogging.

So this afternoon I finally decided, screw the rain. I will NOT let it rain on my parade. And I decided to go forth and compromise and do this thing at in indoor setting.

So I traveled to Starbucks to 1. complete the task, 2. have starbucks because its yummy 3. get homeowork done 4. get out of the house 5. possibly meet cool random people, strike up a coversation, and be everlasting friends/ meet my future husband (... all jokes aside, I always hope this will happen).

But once again .... it being a rainy day and all, Starbucks is packed. And there is no place for me to do my thang.
I feel a bit defeated. But at the same time, despite the rain, I will look on the bright side: I can still hopefully complete the other 2-5 purposes of coming to Starbucks. All is not lost.

AND funny coincidence ... along with the overwhelming desire to put myself out there, be silly, and blog about my life ... Friday night I also felt the overwhelming desire to dye my hair. Pink.
Its not AS crazy as you are probably thinking right now. Its just pink streaks in the bottom layer, so I still have blond hair. Except now I look like Avril Lavigne =) And I just now flipped to page 30 which tells me to take on a "Secret Identity" to be whoever I want....

At first I thought, "I don't want to be anybody else." Im not completely in love with my life or myself ... and sometimes I hate what Im doing, or saying, or how Im acting. But it doesn't mean that I actually want to be somebody else. Because Im assuming that everybody must feel this way at least a little bit. It's life. Its not heaven. Nobody is perfect. Everybody has problems. So even on days when Im at the lowest of lows about myself and my life, I realize that having somebody else's life woudn't make it any different. Its like that DMB song where he says "We all do it the same" ..... its true. We all live the same life and experience the same things at some point. So even when the not a book told me I could pretend to be whoever I wanted to ... I still didn't even want to.
BUT for the purposes of doing it, I decided that I've already got the hair down, so I might as well be Avril Lavigne. And I realized that we actually have a lot of things in common.
- the hot pink and blonde hair
- we're both awesome ;)
- she hates being in one place for too long and likes changing her goals and location and experiencing new things. (ME TOOOOOOO)
- she doesn't really like the dark (I hate it. I hate night time. I like bright sunny days)
- she likes to look on the bright side of situations and doesn't like to dwell too much on anything (not saying that I always do this ... but I want to and I try to)
6. She got divorced because she just wants to "live her own life" (according to People magazine). And although Im not divorced, and having a failed marriage is one of my biggest fears in life, I am at the moment all about "Living my own life."


Rock on.

this is proof. it came with me. its not a book.

Notice the surf board at a beach party. Clutch.

this is stupid, but it works i guess ...

The truth is, I am feeling really emotionally unstable. My head is constantly thinking of topics and people that I just really wish I wasn't. I just wish I could forget all that stuff. But I can't. I can't stop thinking. I don't know what to do with myself. Its to the point where I can't do anything else but sit and think. I know that I need to get up, and go lift and write a paper. But Im just stuck here, thinking, feeling sick to my stomach.

I thought about looking through This is Not a Book. But I didn't even have the motivation to do that. I feel so unsettled about my life that I didnt even want to do that.

But then I remembered, this is exactly WHY Im doing it all. I KNOW that I need motivation to do my literature review or to get my butt up and run. I KNOW that I feel so confused that I need something else to get me to get up and be productive. I KNOW that all I wanna do is cry and feel sorry for myself. I KNOW all I want to do is fix things, and feel normal again. But I also know I can't do that. Theres no solution to making me stop feeling like crap.
And the whole point of this is that, I don't have the energy and confidence to just pick my head up and move on by myself. I need a stupid book to show me that there are stupider things, and more pointless things in life. And that I'm going to be fine.
So somehow I finally opened it, and started drawing pictures; with fine point sharpies; on little 2x2 squares. Stupid pictures. Pointless pictures. For no reason. I am really just wasting my time, accomplishing absolutely NOTHING. NOTHING.
I am not getting smarter.
Im not getting stronger or faster.
Im not helping myself get better grades.
Im not getting less stressed about all the work I have to do.
Im not bettering myself as a person.
Im not helping the world.
Im not feeding kids in Africa.
Im not making anybody smile.
Im not making a difference in anybodys life.

Except for mine.
For 10 minutes, I drew stupid pictures wtih a sharpie, and I stopped thinking.
I focused so hard on it ... on staying in the lines, making sure there was no white space, making sure it was visually pleasing, and I focused on nothing else. And suddenly ... I feel better. I'm ready now. I stopped thinking. And ... I feel better. Which is the point, I guess. Its not just doing another page in the "book" ... its not the fact that I have to draw 10 picutes but I only drew 5 ...its not the fact that I procrastinated writing my paper ... Its not even the fact that I like drawing ..

Its just .... I feel better now. I drew 5 pictures, and now I feel better. And Im ready to move on with my life. I want to get up and get changed and write my literary review paper on fat kids .... Im ready now. Thats the point of it all.

la de daaa procrastination

So you know how a few posts back I listed reasons why I was doing this and one of them was that I wanted it to be a distraction ...

Well, its working.
I have to study for BioChemistry. And obviously I don't want to. I can't think of one good reason to study.
One may respond, "you should study to get a good grade" But me and my friends in Nutrition 352 could tell you that if we learned one thing at all today, it was: Studying does not help you do well on exams. Teachers like to pull tests out of their asses. Needless to say, that test didn't go as well as hoped, and thus I am severely unmotivated to study for anything else. And so I am doing this instead.

Last sunday is also a great example of how this is a great distraction. Last Sunday I knew that I had a crazy hectic week of school ahead of me. I knew that I had 4 test, a paper, and a homework assignment due all within the same 3 days. But I decided to distract myself and complete page 5 which was: a TEST OF ENDURANCE to hold This is not a book above my head for as long as possible.
I did it for 26minutes and 12 seconds.
And I'm not going to lie ... I am a little bit proud of myself. 26minutes and 12 seconds of doing nothing but hold a book over your head is both painful and boring. Requiring both strength and determination. But the truth is ... I think I could have done it longer. Like, if I had competition, I would have kept going. Hours maybe. If I was on Survivor and it was one of those endurance tests for immunity, or better a giant buffet at a 5star hotel after having been starving on a deserted island for 30 days ... I definetly would have done it longer. Forever if I had to. Im not trying to brag ... but my arms are a lot stronger than 26minutes and 12 seconds. But the reason I stopped was because,
1. I had pole vault practice the next morning and I didn't want my arms to be sore. Track is a bit more important than holding a book over my head. Coach, if you are reading this ... I have my priorities straight.
And 2. I realized I was holding a book over my head ...

That was reason enough to stop.
My housemates did find it entertaining though. Making them laugh was the least I could do while holding a book over my head.

Okay, seriously though. I do want a good grade. Gahhh I have to go study :(

This is not Harry Potter

So bringing a surf board to the beach bash was quite a hit. The first comment I got all night was from a close friend of mine who thought I had chinese take out with me. Cardboard surf boards and chinese take out ... ehhhh, close enough? And although it would have been really odd to bring chinese take out to a party, I think she was relatively disappointed that it wasn't ... not much in this world beats chinese take out on a saturday night.

Even funnier was when I arrived at the house and was flaunting my surf board ["If you got it flaunt it, boy i know you want it" ;) ] and another friend said something along the lines of "HEY! Cool surf board!" Like it was a wicked cool idea and he wish he had thought of it.
Come on, who am i trying to fool? Its not normal. But he totally thought it was. And I'm not going to lie, it boosted my confidence.

Under the circumstances of being at a beach bash and all, dancing had to be done. And for a while my surf board came with me. We rode the waves, we did the wave, and I was waving my board in the air "like I just dont care." Then it got a bit worn out, so it chilled in the corner for the rest of the evening. In full view of course. In disguise.

Throughout the night I discussed my recent (not)blogging endeavors and (not a) book reading adventures with a few people and I got a few great responses! And of course,a few questioning and odd responses.
ie: "Why the heck are you doing this??"
and
"I don't get it. Why?"
and
"Geesh you have a LOT of time on your hands"
Which I find particularly annoying because I dont! I hardly have any extra time. BUT in the extra free time that I do have, I still DO things. Like read, and blog. As opposed to playing video games, facebook creeping, or watching tv, accomplishing nothing (With the exception of Greys Anatomy every Thursday night. Thats an exception. I can't live without it. And even at that, it is a medical show. So technically its educational....which is a bunch of bs, but I'm trying to make a point here...). So I think that reading and blogging does not mean that I have a ton of free time. It just means I like to do stuff. I don't like being bored.

But by far, my favorite discussion of the night came from 2 new friends who somehow concluded that because I was doing this, I must be the type of person who reads Harry Potter.
I wish I could explain to you the thought process of reaching that conclusion, but I don't understand it myself. Especially since I don't read Harry Potter. Somehow I found myself in a situation defending the fact that I don't read Harry Potter for the majority of the 20minute walk home. And even if I did read Harry Potter, what does that have to do with this? And is it a bad thing to read Harry Potter? Because from what I hear there are about 7 books and 6 mega-hit multimillion dollar movies about Harry Potter, so it can't possibly be a bad thing even if I did read it! I just don't read it because I tried once but it was way too fictional for me. And I can't watch the movies because they scare me. (Yeah, I know, its pathetic). But thats besides the point.
The point is, carrying around a surfboard with me does not mean that I am a crazy Harry Potter fanatic.

this is a surf board!!!

First off, I did a lot of random things today.
Its Saturday, which apparently means be lazy as heck, accomplish nothing, then go to a beach themed party in October.

Anyways, random things:
on thursday I recorded how many times I walked into a room.
36 times.
I don't know what that means, besides that I am busy and walk into many rooms.

And today I was bored so I drew a nature-istic scene on page 8. A beach obviously. I always doodle beaches, sailboats, hearts, and flowers. However this doodle on page 8 was especially special (compared to my normal doodles) because it also included a whale. very exciting. Especially special. I like that phrase.

Moving on ... Page 21 has now been transformed. It is no longer page 21 of This is not a Book. Rather, it is a mini mini envelope. Its purpose: to be determined.

And page 23 i wrote something, and then erased it. =)
To sum it up .... I had a very productive and meaningful day.
And to top it off, I am on my way to a Beach Bash party ... dressed in beach attire on October 3rd. And of course, I am on day 6 of carrying this book everywhere - SUCH AN INCONVIENCE- so my baby is coming with me. But this time, its in disguise ;)
Can you guess what it is? I made it an outfit and painted it and its in disguise for a beach party.




Is that your final answer?

This is almost as good as seeing a therapist

I flipped ahead a few pages this morning to where it said "THIS IS A CHOCIE"
That sounded like a good idea for me today. I want to have the power to choose. Choose what Im going do today. Choose how I'm going feel. Who Im going talk to. Having a choce in my life sounds like a good plan.
So my choice was to pick a number, and flip to that page, then flip 5 pages ahead. I picked 44 [ Because 4 is my favorite number, therefore 44 is twice as good ;) ] And the page I picked told me to write down and store ALL my secrets there.
At first I didn't think I had secrets. Im pretty open about my life (hence the online blog).
But all the sudden they came out. A ton. Serious things. Stupid things. Things that aren't a big deal, and things that are.
I would tell you about them- but I can't.
They're secrets.
:)
BUT after doing this I got all worked up. Because most secrets are things you don't want people to know, because they are things that you are ashamed of, or hurt by, or embarrased by. I wouldn't tell people something that I think they will judge my character by; or I wouldn't tell somebody something that I think will hurt their feelings. So that is why they are secrets. But when I was done writing all these secrets down, I wasn't really feelings like a good person. I felt really low.
So i found the next page that said "This is an annoyance" and I decorated it so that it looked as ANNOYING as possible. And it was theraputic. After feeling guilty for having secrets, I let out all the annoying things that bothered me and just made the page look rediculous and it felt good.
Annoying things like stapling the whole page. I think staples everywhere are annoying. And glue and confetti stuck to it. I drew an angry snowman because I hate winter and I drew purple and red scribbles everywhere because it just looks straight up annoying to me. And i wrote down a few of my recent pet peeves such as selfish people and people who walk across an intersection and don't follow the crosswalk. THAT IS SO ANNOYING.

So my advice for the day: If you're feeling down or guilty about yourself, your thoughts or actions, then slash back and let out all the things in life that annoy you so that you feel better about yourself. I feel better about myself now!! Because even though I have secrets, there are much more annoying things in life. Like people who purposely walk across a busy intersection when the DONT WALK sign is flashing. Im way better that. (ps if you're one of those people who do that then you best be on good behavior when you're near me. hehe)

This is an experiment

So I've been walking around with this not a book in clear view for everyone to see for 4 days now. And Im actually kinda surprised; people aren't as nosey as I thought they would be. At the same time, UMass is a rather large school and I see the strangest things occur every day. For example about a week ago, one student was riding a unicycle on his way to class. About two weeks ago I was sitting on a bench on campus and a man came up, stood about 20 feet away from me, dropped his book bag and started doing some sort of meditation/movement yoga/sun praising dance that went on for over 20 minutes. In the middle of the day! By himself, in the middle of campus! And just today I saw a girl wearing all purple. Purple pants, purple nike's, and a purple shirt.


So I guess a girl carrying a "book", instead of putting it in her backpack, is really the least of other people's worries.

A few people of course did ask what it was and I entertained myself with different responses...
I told the first two people who asked the whole story. Told them that I'm going to write a blog and they thought it was a great idea!
The next time someone asked I got a bit lazy and just said "I dont know yet!" He responded with "Well let me know when you find out!" (Which i fully intend to do.)

Another friend just grabbed it off my desk in class and started reading it. She was pumped. She wanted to buy it herself!

And my favorite so far was when I answered"Its an experiment" and the kid said "Oh. For what class?" I gave him a kinda puzzled look ... I didn't know that reading and experimenting could only possibly be done for class ... Anyways I just said "a psych one". I left it at that because to be quite frank I didn't really care for talking to him :-X

4 days down, 3 to go ... And it really is an inconvience. For example, holding my book and a coffee and trying to open the door to class proved to be a challenge. And Im not going to lie, I did forget to bring it to lift yesterday morning :(But all was not lost. When I found my little baby I picked her right up and brought her with me for the rest of the day, and paid extra special attention so she didn't feel lonely.

... I think I might be getting too attached. So I think while i continue to inconvienetly carry it around, I'll move on to page two: "THIS IS A RECORDING DEVICE" and record everythingggggggg about my lovely lovely fall day =)

This is an explanation

So this is an explanation. If this is not a blog, then what is it? Well ... it starts with a book thats not a book.

Hmm... im gonna backtrack.

Heres the story. Im a junior in college, I run track and field. SO my day goes like this: wake up, eat, lift, go to classes, practice, eat, do homework, maybe hang out with friends.
But emotionally ... this year is different from the past for many reasons ....
1. I live off campus. I live in a house! It still blows my mind that little lindsey is living in a house, paying bills, being a grown up.... WEIRD. But I love it. I live with 5 other girls, so its never lonely.
Yes, you heard right 5 other girls. 6 total.
Six girls, one bathroom. Some may call it a brothel. I just call it a good freicken time.

2. Im actually taking classes that relate to my major. Nutrition. FINALLY. Im mostly done wtih all those gen eds that I just feel like are a waste of my time and Im fully enjoying going to class. And doing homework isn't even really a hassle because Im reading about what i love. I love learning about nutrition! Im doing what i love! ... I could go on and on and on about nutrition ... but thats not what this is about ... I just feel like im growing up. But sometimes its unfamiliar to face the reality of it all...

3. Im single and independent. Sooooo .... I'm not going to get into it, But basically the point I'm getting at is that, emotionally, Im in a very different state then I've been for the past year and a half. So I just need to do something different. I need a distraction. Basically.

So saturday it was a beautiful fall day in Amherst Massachusetts, and to distract myself from sitting around thinking thoughts that I really don't need to be thinking ... me and two of my girlfriends went uptown, strolled around, got a coffee ... and walked into a bookstore ...

But apparently I didn't pick up a book. Honestly, if you see a book titled "This is not a Book" ... you would pick it up too.
Right? How can you not? Its curiosity. Then I flipped to the back to read what it was about ... and it didn't tell me. It told me that this book is up to me to exist. It is my imagination that will bring it to life. Its my own journey. The point (I guess) is to embark on something that you don't know what it is ... that you don't know what will come of it ... but you do it anyway. You use your imagination to get you through, you change the path of it if you wish, you go faster or slower depending on how you feel .....

And I need it in my life right now. I feel like a strong powerful independent woman at the moment. But something feels off. Ive changed a lot of things in my life in hopes that I'd get what i want, but i don't have it yet ... I feel like Im in the middle. In the eye of a hurricane .... intermission of a play .... Just waiting for the rest to come, to see how it all plays out, to see the end. Is there happiness at the end? Is there peace? I don't know ... Im just kinda waiting and passing the time.

So Im ready to embark on a journey, and let my imagination take me away. Maybe this book/ not a book will get me out of this funk. Or just pass the time and distract me while Im here ... either way it is a journey, and Im ready to go. Im ready to move on. In any direction ... Im just ready to do something.

This is Not a Book told me to remember these three things:
1. TRUST IN YOUR IMAGINATION. IT IS THE SOURCE OF ALL TRUE JOURNEYS
2. THINGS ARE NOT ALWAYS WHAT THEY SEEM.
3. ANYTHING CAN HAPPEN.

So .... this is not a blog.
this is my distraction
this is my imagination
this is my little experiment with being silly and writing on the internet :)
this is me telling you about all the crazy, stupid, possibly pointless things I will do just to do SOMETHING. And hopefully you will find it entertaining.

I am going to read the thing, that is apparently not a book, and tell you all about it! =)

So Page 1:
This is not a book, this is an inconvience. Take This is Not a Book everywhere you go for one week. You must place it in full view at all times.

Im about to go walk across campus, lift weights, study, eat lunch, go to two classes, go to practice, get drug tested, and come home ... all while keeping This is not a Book in full view ...